Trust the process. The steps you are taking are good. They will feel counter-intuitive for a while. It will feel like you are pushing her further away, but the truth is that she is already gone. The only way she will ever choose to come back (and it is her choice) is if she doesn't feel any pressure from you. You are still very early in the process, and as they say this is a marathon not a sprint. If you come in expecting quick results you will not get far. Right now you need to focus on healing yourself and turning yourself into AMOAFWL.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Thanks for your perspective Rose. I guess I am wondering if you are suggesting I never inquire about our relationship again unless she brings it up first. I am also planning to continue to not initiate contacting her unless I have to which is rare and usually only through texts. The question I guess I still have is if there was a chance she might reconsider, would her feelings be dampened by me being distant, or we she likely reach out anyway if she had a change of heart?
Don't contact her. This "soft contact" is just pursuit. You know it.
Let her wonder what you are up to. LRT means:
1. Stop Pursuit. MWD lists many forms of pursuit, even indirect ones. 2. GAL. How is your GAL going? 3. Wait and See. Do steps 1 and 2 first.
You said she was asking about clothes on sale, well it can't be that she truly had no one else to talk to about that. She was trying to lure you into a bigger conversation. This doesn't mean that ultimately she wants you or not. She may not know. But you letting her feel the consequence of her choice to not have you is going to help her figure that out.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Davide & ovrrnbw: Yeah I think you are both right. The more I think about it, it feels like the right thing to maybe even be a little more distant than I am now for the foreseeable future. Not only will it help her sort things out but it will help in my healing.
MrSunny - I was in your situation just a few months ago. Thinking if i made a mistake or if i did wrong. My emotions were all over the place. It is one of the hardest pains that anyone can go through.
You will go through many pondering issues such as -
1) A Shock - Is she really doing this to me? 2) Will I ever be accepted by someone again? 3) How do I walk with my head held high and confident? 4) How will i address these issues with friends and collegues? - Do I hide it or disclose it? 5) Will i die broke alone? 6) Will she ever think of me again? 7) Will she marry off soon to start off a new life. 8) Improper sleep, waking up at 4-5 AM in the mornings, sleeping alone in bed. Wierd dreams - Will this ever end?
The fact that you may have all the above thoughts is absolutely normal. I went through this difficult situation for a long time. Moreover you are still married. The pain is most until you are done with divorce. Like many experts who provided you suggestions, I sometimes argued or disagreed with some points. But overall, If I were you, I would continue to to be happy and content with myself, and move on with my life as if nothing happened. It is hard, it is difficult, but not impossible. Start your day as if you divorced your wife and you are single. And move on. Just have minimal interaction with your wife and do not engage in any / (As less as possible) relationship talks. MOVE ON. Take 1 hr at a time, then take 1 day at a time. Eventually you will come to the position to where many of us are standing strong. Good luck!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
