Thanks Rose and Lone for the thoughts. I see both sides of the coin. In the future, I will leave out our relationship, but still thank Him, through prayer with her, for the conversation and her safe travels.
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
The W just left for the airport. This is the first time in years that I am not taking her. Despite our communication issues during these times, I always enjoyed dropping her off and picking her up from her trips. She yelled BYE down the hallway and I yelled back have a good trip and see you later!
The garage door just shut, and I cannot stop crying.
I've made some progress with my strength and confidence this week, but man... hearing that garage door shut... I did not expect this feeling at all.
Just venting... don't expect any response. Just getting it out so I can move on with my day. I feel like such a puss (sorry not to offend, but being honest with my emotions)
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
30 minutes later and I am OK with this. Over the past few weeks this would have ruined my day. And I just realized something. I was not snooping, it just caught my eye.
I was one to wear my ring 24-7 and did so until this past Monday as described in a previous post. My wife would take hers off at the end of the day and place it on a little glass ring holder.
I went into the bathroom yesterday and saw my ring there, not hers.
I went into the bathroom today, and the ring is there. That doesn't hurt me at all... but I do have to wonder...
Where was her ring yesterday? The optimistic side of me would like to think that she was wearing it while out and about... but the pessimist says she was trying to sell it.
LOL - When I get into my head, I get into my head REAL GOOD!
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
I lost track of your sitch after the initial response but just caught up.
First you are NGS to the max. You will not nice her back. So you need to stop. Institute changes in NMMNG. re read it if you have to.
Second, you need to fix your signature. You didn't start LRT. What part of LRT has you offering to cook for her? Has you initiating R talks? (Yes asking her about communicating better is R talk)? Has you bailing her out on the rent? You aren't even DBing at this point let alone LRT!
Praying with her is pressure. LW is right to an extent but stop praying with her but keep praying for her.
Pressure will pressure her out the door. Pursuit will have her run away faster than anything.
Why do you think she texted 4 times while you were in the store? Could it be because since BD you respond immediately? Not responding right away is not pressure. And her reaction was to come towards you. That's what 4 texts are. That's how this works.
Also don't be so sure you blew up the affair. Cheaters are great at , after being caught, becoming even more covert. Business trips are one of their favorite ruses. Not trying to make you panic but her behavior is that of a WW that still has her attention elsewhere.
Take this time to do self reflection. And do the studying on DBing. It is your only hope for success at this point.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The DR book in LRT is for you and only you! It is there to get you grounded to make authentic changes. If she knows what you're trying to do, you've just undermined your ability to be authentic about your changes and she will view everything with more suspicion.
now she knows your lack of pursuit is based on the book and not just an honest move on your part to get things to an equilibrium. I wish you had come here first before giving her the book.
the point is for her to notice your life changes as they come from a place of wonder and mystery. now she'll potentially think all of this is for her to start coming back to you, rather than wondering what is going on with you. giving her the playbook just kills the mystery and makes this process look calculated, rather than organic. Even if you stick to it and make those changes and they are organic, it will take a lot longer for her to take you seriously and not think that this is some recipe you're following and once she's back in, you'll revert back to how you were.
anyways, can't undo this now. wish you all the best. that's why all LBS should come here and post what they want to do, and what they're going to write in a letter etc etc. You have no way of discerning what's good and what's not in the beginning, esp cuz DB is counter intuitive to what your mind is telling you to do.
so, even though this is a bad mistake, continue on the DB journey and shut up about it and the book. see where it goes from here. LRT is called LRT for a reason and if you're at LRT, you don't show the other person your cards. This is not business as usual and she is not the same person as you knew her.
The DR book in LRT is for you and only you! It is there to get you grounded to make authentic changes. If she knows what you're trying to do, you've just undermined your ability to be authentic about your changes and she will view everything with more suspicion.
now she knows your lack of pursuit is based on the book and not just an honest move on your part to get things to an equilibrium. I wish you had come here first before giving her the book.
the point is for her to notice your life changes as they come from a place of wonder and mystery. now she'll potentially think all of this is for her to start coming back to you, rather than wondering what is going on with you. giving her the playbook just kills the mystery and makes this process look calculated, rather than organic. Even if you stick to it and make those changes and they are organic, it will take a lot longer for her to take you seriously and not think that this is some recipe you're following and once she's back in, you'll revert back to how you were.
anyways, can't undo this now. wish you all the best. that's why all LBS should come here and post what they want to do, and what they're going to write in a letter etc etc. You have no way of discerning what's good and what's not in the beginning, esp cuz DB is counter intuitive to what your mind is telling you to do.
so, even though this is a bad mistake, continue on the DB journey and shut up about it and the book. see where it goes from here. LRT is called LRT for a reason and if you're at LRT, you don't show the other person your cards. This is not business as usual and she is not the same person as you knew her.
best of luck.
I did not give her a book. Not sure what you are talking about.
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
The DR book in LRT is for you and only you! It is there to get you grounded to make authentic changes. If she knows what you're trying to do, you've just undermined your ability to be authentic about your changes and she will view everything with more suspicion.
now she knows your lack of pursuit is based on the book and not just an honest move on your part to get things to an equilibrium. I wish you had come here first before giving her the book.
the point is for her to notice your life changes as they come from a place of wonder and mystery. now she'll potentially think all of this is for her to start coming back to you, rather than wondering what is going on with you. giving her the playbook just kills the mystery and makes this process look calculated, rather than organic. Even if you stick to it and make those changes and they are organic, it will take a lot longer for her to take you seriously and not think that this is some recipe you're following and once she's back in, you'll revert back to how you were.
anyways, can't undo this now. wish you all the best. that's why all LBS should come here and post what they want to do, and what they're going to write in a letter etc etc. You have no way of discerning what's good and what's not in the beginning, esp cuz DB is counter intuitive to what your mind is telling you to do.
so, even though this is a bad mistake, continue on the DB journey and shut up about it and the book. see where it goes from here. LRT is called LRT for a reason and if you're at LRT, you don't show the other person your cards. This is not business as usual and she is not the same person as you knew her.
best of luck.
I did not give her a book. Not sure what you are talking about.
The way toy wordwd you decided to give her the book made it sound like you already had.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The DR book in LRT is for you and only you! It is there to get you grounded to make authentic changes. If she knows what you're trying to do, you've just undermined your ability to be authentic about your changes and she will view everything with more suspicion.
now she knows your lack of pursuit is based on the book and not just an honest move on your part to get things to an equilibrium. I wish you had come here first before giving her the book.
the point is for her to notice your life changes as they come from a place of wonder and mystery. now she'll potentially think all of this is for her to start coming back to you, rather than wondering what is going on with you. giving her the playbook just kills the mystery and makes this process look calculated, rather than organic. Even if you stick to it and make those changes and they are organic, it will take a lot longer for her to take you seriously and not think that this is some recipe you're following and once she's back in, you'll revert back to how you were.
This is one of the best explanations of why the LBH should not share the DB/DR book with his W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The DR book in LRT is for you and only you! It is there to get you grounded to make authentic changes. If she knows what you're trying to do, you've just undermined your ability to be authentic about your changes and she will view everything with more suspicion.
now she knows your lack of pursuit is based on the book and not just an honest move on your part to get things to an equilibrium. I wish you had come here first before giving her the book.
the point is for her to notice your life changes as they come from a place of wonder and mystery. now she'll potentially think all of this is for her to start coming back to you, rather than wondering what is going on with you. giving her the playbook just kills the mystery and makes this process look calculated, rather than organic. Even if you stick to it and make those changes and they are organic, it will take a lot longer for her to take you seriously and not think that this is some recipe you're following and once she's back in, you'll revert back to how you were.
This is one of the best explanations of why the LBH should not share the DB/DR book with his W.
Ok folks - I DID NOT GIVE HER THE BOOK!!!!!! Where are yall reading that because she has no idea I am even reading the book!
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
