Thank you guys, I didn t call, picked up the phone several times but held off. I got text from him late last night, asking how I m doing and what my plans for the weekend are I m going away to hike so he is probably just checking in to help with my d while I m away.
Don t want to over think it.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/17/1808:20 PM. Reason: restored post
Now the taking care of me loving me. Doing this for me that s a paradigm shift. I ve spent so much time raising a fam and investing in my M that I ve lost sight of me ...sad but true.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/17/1808:24 PM. Reason: restored post
Hi All Hope you guys have had a good day? I'm doing something totally out of character. Hubby came home from his work trip ( we have an in house separation) super awkward but actually great that we get to touch base when he returns from his work trips etc. so he got back today. I cooked dinner and let him know that since we're hiking early - I would be spending the night at a friend. Big move for me I don't do stuff like that. I'm trying my hand at a 180....
Today was good hiked for 5 hours to the most magnificent waterfall. What a beautiful country...tried hard not to think of h. But honestly wished I could share the experience with him...sad that we're at this place... so much we never got to to do.... feels like a death... is it normal to feel such grief
So I feel like I'm finally beginning to take care of myself. Eating right, exercising and generally keeping busy.
Does a MLC h have to leave or be separated... I guess I'm in denial but really would like to hear from folk that are on the other side of life with a MLC h! I'm needing some hope....I know what you're going to say take my focus off him and focus on you...
Hi people of the forum... I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong... but it feels like I'm talking to myself on this forum. Would sincerely appreciate a reply or two. Hope you guys out there in forum land... pretty quiet and lonely here...
Hey! You're not doing anything wrong, but it seems from your last slew of posts, you are journaling here more than asking for specific things - which is totally fine. I used my threads as journals too. But, people generally respond when you have questions.
I haven't read your sitch so not familiar with everything. Just reading a few posts, looks like you're doing GAL and trying to change things up. But, mentally, your focus is not there - which is completely understandable. I am guessing this is fairly new. I will read up on your sitch to get more acquainted with it.
Yes, grief is a huge part of it. Don't try to avoid it. Best to truly lean into it, feel the pain and discomfort, sit with it, process it, and channel your energies into something positive. People try to go around the grief or numb it, but it's not going anywhere and you won't move past it without looking it straight in the eye. It will also move up your healing timeline.
Are you seeing an IC? It's not a bad idea to get help to get some assistance in terms of dealing with the grief and also having someone to help you plan what's next.
Also, I am a MLC skeptic and many LBSs come here and use the guidance about MLC as a reason to hang on to their partners with dear life. This is soul crushing and will land you being in limbo and grief land for a long time. It will short circuit your healing process. Just follow Sandi's rules for now and see what works.
The biggest indicator in your sitch is his saying there is no God.
In my opinion, 97.5% of atheists say they believe there is no God because then they can justify anything they want to do.
Your H wants to leave, get a D, potentially date and sleep with other people. That is contrary to his spiritual beliefs. So in order to make himself feel like what he is doing isn't wrong, he changes his spiritual beliefs to fit what he wants to do.
I see this all the time. Biblical teachings are sometimes ignored because someone, or a group, or even entire denominations do not like what that teaching says. (The roles of men and women in the Church and in the home are perfect examples of that.)
So his saying there is no God is a symptom, not a cause. And talking to him about what his spiritual beliefs used to be will not sway him. He is running on feelings now, not logical or reason.
If you can stay the course, give him space, concentrate on what you can control, YOU, maybe there is a way through this. You said it happened before and he eventually returned to the MR. So you know that it can happen again (him returning to the MR).
Keep posting. I will take a more active interest in your thread. Sorry you felt ignored, the people here are good folks and I don't think anyone was ignoring you on purpose.
Finally, realize there is no magic solution to your problem. The key is to prepare you for any and all eventualities. Whether he stays or goes, you need to do the work that will make sure you are taken care of.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi people of the forum... I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong... but it feels like I'm talking to myself on this forum. Would sincerely appreciate a reply or two. Hope you guys out there in forum land... pretty quiet and lonely here...
How to get more people to POST on my thread?
To get more replies my suggestion is to ask questions. Put you post down in a readable fashion. (not one big block of type- ie hit carriage return frequently). KISS = Keep it simple stupid Post on other peoples threads and give them support. You may not think you are qualified but you will be surprised that you may know something or have some knowledge of something that others know nothing about. Personally thank each poster that does post on your thread or ask them a follow up question.
