I know lots of people who have half siblings, actually I have a 1/2 brother who I don't think of as a 1/2, but I lived with him since he was born. I'm not familiar with your sitch, but do you share custody with your ex? If so, I would wait until they find out from her, then talk to them about how excited they are to have a new brother/sister.
It's not weird for kids unless someone teaches them it should be weird.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Too much to write back to you, but feel free to read the backstory. I have a 1/2 sibling as well and under "normal" situations, I think it'd be wonderful, as my relationship with my sister is great. However, my situation is far from normal.
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
I don't know what the age spread is between your kids and the new baby, but if they're old enough to know what's been going on, I'd just emphasize that this is an innocent baby with no responsibility for how they were brought into the world, and isn't it great to have another sibling?
Ok, I went back and read some of your sitch, I'll give you my thoughts but not sure you are going to like it.
It seems like your kids are accepting the situation pretty well, they are young and feel like part of the family with ex and OM. They think of step-sisters as sisters and I didn't see anything that indicates that they are being mistreated by ex or OM. That is the perfect scenario for kids in this type of situation, much better than being ignored, abandoned or mistreated.
I think the biggest issue is with your inability to move forward (your thread is old so I don't know if your still stuck in the same place), your posts scream to me that you are using/wanting/expecting your kids to be your entire life. Your focus is/was solely on your ex and her new family, I didn't see anything about your "new" life other than activities with the kids (coach, volunteering at school, etc).
It's great that you are a involved dad, but are you happy as your own person as well?
My thought on how to handle the new 1/2 sibling remains the same as my original post. Be excited for them. You are their dad, that doesn't change, there is plenty of room in their heart to love everyone, and them doing so is what's best for the kids.
Be a great dad when you have them, work on finding your happiness and your own life when you don't.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I've never been in your particular situation, so I don't have any relevant experience with regard to your question. In addition, I have a certain proclivity for transforming the mundane and benign into a total f*cking train wreck of unspeakable carnage. Given that, my approach would be to start with fact gathering. I think you should ask your XW, while the OM is present, if she knows who the biological father of the baby is and let her know that you're not able to provide additional child support. Once you get an answer to the biological father question, you can begin digging deeper.
XW and OM are now married, he is the stepfather now and the new baby is his. I was just curious as to what to say to the kids, how to start conversations, how to make sure they're ok with the new dynamic. OM and I actually get along pretty well and have hung out to build S7 pinewood derby car for scouts. There's no issue there.
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
OM and I actually get along pretty well and have hung out to build S7 pinewood derby car for scouts.
mvg,
I understand. Sometimes the subtleties and nuances of language can result in poor communication. Nevertheless, you're a much better man than I am. If I were around my XW's OM with a set of tools, the OM would quickly learn what amateur brain surgery is all about. Kudos to you for being a good guy.
