Went to the solicitors today and as she seems to be digging her heels in about wanting a divorce, I went to see what my legal options are. He basically said that I am in a no win situation, while she is at home with the children, she has nothing to lose by staying there and if I went back it would not be in anyone's interest long term. Basically he said I am paying her too much- I have been paying her the equivalent of child maintainence for the three children and I have also been paying 50% of the mortgage plus the house insurance. He said this wasn't sustainable and I should only pay half of what I am paying now so that I can afford my own place suitable to have the children stay with me. It feels like a Hobsons choice- he said he often sees this result in the W realising she can't afford the mortgage and bills etc. On her own. So he said to stop paying it. He said that there was no rush to file for the D and that the longer I gave it, the more opportunity I'd have to save for a deposit etc. I wish she would make up her mind.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Limbo stinks...I am in similar sitch. WW won't leave, can't afford to set up a household on her own and I am paying all the bills at home. She makes decent money but she has dug a huge dept hole for herself and funding her other life. She has said the same things to me that you get from your W and I know that in her fog she believes she is in love with OM but I have seen a lot more bickering between them recently as I have given her the space to see what she really wants. They usually find that the same problems will arise regardless of the partner and that it is their issues that have caused the true problems in their lives not us.
I do not mention A, I do not mention R, stick to only kids and finances if need be. They have to go it alone. Yes limbo is brutal but I always see it if they knew 100% that they wanted out they would find a way instead of having to see us on a daily basis to some extent.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
As she seems intent on staying in the FMH (and therefore keeping me on the mortgage) I have suggested that in order to keep the children rooted- as she has said she wants the children to stay in the FMH- that if I rent a 2 bed house nearby we could share custody on a "birdsnesting" basis whereby rather than the children leave the house each week and the upheaval that brings- we move around them, i.e. she has a bedroom in the rented property and stays there while I am in the FMH and vice versa. I thought this was a brilliant idea, but she has poured cold water on the idea- yet she bangs on about how she wants the best for the children.
She is likely to want a mesher order to prevent the house sale, which effectively would leave me in limbo for another 14 years!
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Stop having a victims mentality! Get of your a$$ and find a lawyer who is going to help you see your kids 50% of the time. That should be your number 1 priority. If you have to file for D file for D. Your W is a horrible human being! She is having an A, toying with your emotions, makes false allegations against you and uses your kids as pawns.
Meanwhile your at home living with mommy. Do you see why she shoes you zero respect? She's got you by the balls and she knows it.
Look man I know that was harsh but I am trying to get you to see what is truly going on. Doesn't mean she won't come around someday. I guarantee it won't happen if you keep doing what you're doing.
