Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Things with xW are calm. Dating has had its ups and downs, and is pretty wild.
Body parts aren't working properly
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Wow, Mark this day on the calander - Doodler actually made me laugh out loud.
So I think I followed most of that and better yet I think I can help! I have 25 years of healthcare expierence, much outside the hospital and some inside. No one ever called the ambulance for erectile dysfunction but I can still help. First off, I totally agree with the others in talking to another doc. There is very low risk in ED meds unless you take another med that might interact like nitroglycerine or something. Baring that near any doc swill give you a script. A free standing clinic is one option. Another even better is telemedicine. More and more places now do this. Doctor on Demand is an example. But you really don't even need that as for about the same total cost you can order over the Internet with just a bit of looking around. While I've not ordered ED I have angibiotics and such. It really does work. There is no reason to suffer. Just the placebo effect will do wonders.
Now as for this girl.... It's very likely her and not you. She has only had sex once in the last 7 years? There is a huge clue right there. I can't tell you why these things happen only confirm that they do - all the time and to everyone! Most times it really is more about them than you. Somethung scared her and likely nothing you did. Although, women really will take a transmission failure as their fault. She may have felt you were not into her and didn't want the pain of feeling rejected. I'd more guess that if she's not been intimate in 7 years that's where the clues are.
Then this ghosting crap, I swear not much makes me angrier. How did we get to the point where someone won't even have the decency to say "sorry I'm not interested anymore." Just ignore and unfriend? Grow the hell up!
I don't want to pass my negativity onto you but it's the very things you've been dealing with that has totally soured me on dating - especially on line. The fact that you've had as many dates as you claim is already a huge win. It really is. You're doing better than many I read about. Get some cialis and carry on. I'd rather own pretty much everything other than when it comes to women and then I'm a total renter.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
She said that she was out of the dating game for seven years. As I understood it, her last LTR cheated on her and she basically stepped away from dating and focused on her career. She didn't say she only had sex once in 7 years, just that she had only been with one person in the last year, and hadn't dated for seven before that.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
She said that she was out of the dating game for seven years. As I understood it, her last LTR cheated on her and she basically stepped away from dating and focused on her career. She didn't say she only had sex once in 7 years, just that she had only been with one person in the last year, and hadn't dated for seven before that.
Exactly my point!!!!!!!!!! It can be very scary getting back into an R after 7 years. This just furthers my hunch. Not having sex in 7 years lead me to believe she had not dated much or had an R in 7 years which lead me to believe all if this scared her which reaffirms this was nothing that you did! It was about her, where she is at, what she may be expecting, what she is afraid of. I don't think it was "chemistry" as much as comfort level. We can only mind read what really went on with her but it's unlikely you coukd have done anything different to end with a different outcome. This was not about you.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Female point of view here (I also happen to be the same age as you)....
It is totally mental. One guy I dated took a while to seal the deal. He hadn't had sex in 2 years and he totally psyched himself out. I was patient with him, and when it got going, it got going. We are the best sex either of us ever had (I can verify this).
One guy was younger than me, in his 20's. Failed mission the first time. He was totally psyched out. (apparently I am intimidating? beginning to think they weren't attracted to me, but that wasn't the case)Second time wasn't a fail and again, once it got started, no problems there.
I wouldn't put the warning out there. Too much in her head and too munch in yours.
I think you are trying to hard to get over this hump, so to say. ANd going to get another car to make yourself feel better is probably going to build build the pressure and make it worse.
And I am asking this and seriously suggesting it. Next time, have a few drinks, if you drink. Don't get drunk, whatever you do, but enough to chill.
But stop trying so hard. I think you might be overly focused on dating and getting the sex out of the way. Do your online class. Go on some dates, but don't make it such a mission, especially one that you are setting yourself up for failure. because that's what you are doing by telling these ladies that.
Female point of view here (I also happen to be the same age as you)....
It is totally mental. One guy I dated took a while to seal the deal. He hadn't had sex in 2 years and he totally psyched himself out. I was patient with him, and when it got going, it got going. We are the best sex either of us ever had (I can verify this).
One guy was younger than me, in his 20's. Failed mission the first time. He was totally psyched out. (apparently I am intimidating? beginning to think they weren't attracted to me, but that wasn't the case)Second time wasn't a fail and again, once it got started, no problems there.
I wouldn't put the warning out there. Too much in her head and too munch in yours.
I think you are trying to hard to get over this hump, so to say. ANd going to get another car to make yourself feel better is probably going to build build the pressure and make it worse.
And I am asking this and seriously suggesting it. Next time, have a few drinks, if you drink. Don't get drunk, whatever you do, but enough to chill.
But stop trying so hard. I think you might be overly focused on dating and getting the sex out of the way. Do your online class. Go on some dates, but don't make it such a mission, especially one that you are setting yourself up for failure. because that's what you are doing by telling these ladies that.
Thanks, Ginger. Having a female point of view is very good to have, as it does help me analyze the situation.
As far as the warning...I have only told one person, and that was the person that was taking it slow. I was trying to be as honest and vulnerable as possible and let her know that when we got to 'that level' if there were any issues, it wasn't because of her or anything she did, and that it was with me.
I realize now though, something that my dad always told me. Less is more.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I realize now though, something that my dad always told me. Less is more.
Or put another way, never pass up the chance to shut up. Or even STFU.
I just now paid attention to the timeline you have listed. Wow, dude, way too fast. This only all started like six months ago and you've only been D for a few months. You really have no business even getting into an R at this point. It's not fair to the other person nor to yourself. This too may have been a fear factor for her - or should have been.
Near any professional worth their salt suggests no less than 6 months and most say a year to just heal. Work on you. Take time off. The worst thing you can do is rush into a new R. Perhaps the little head in this case is thinking more than your big head and trying to save you from yourself. I may even have to say the doc was right but he should have added the rest in and explained why.
Honestly, do the best for you and pump the breaks. Just because you can get some new girl into bed does not mean you should. Don't be one of "those" guys. Give yourself some time to heal.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I realize now though, something that my dad always told me. Less is more.
Or put another way, never pass up the chance to shut up. Or even STFU.
I just now paid attention to the timeline you have listed. Wow, dude, way too fast. This only all started like six months ago and you've only been D for a few months. You really have no business even getting into an R at this point. It's not fair to the other person nor to yourself. This too may have been a fear factor for her - or should have been.
Near any professional worth their salt suggests no less than 6 months and most say a year to just heal. Work on you. Take time off. The worst thing you can do is rush into a new R. Perhaps the little head in this case is thinking more than your big head and trying to save you from yourself. I may even have to say the doc was right but he should have added the rest in and explained why.
Honestly, do the best for you and pump the breaks. Just because you can get some new girl into bed does not mean you should. Don't be one of "those" guys. Give yourself some time to heal.
You are probably right, but let me be clear about something. I am not actively seeking out women for the sole purpose of sex. The majority of the times I have gone out, it has just been to have a dinner companion. I'm not one of "those" guys. Admittedly, I /did/ try to be,initially, but that just isn't me. Hence why I was okay "going slow". I wasn't seeking out a LTR with this person. It just so happened that this person was someone I decided I would be willing to entertain the idea of a LTR with.
Everyone says, "Oh, you need time to heal". How are we defining healing though? "Oh, you need six months to a year" So there is an arbitrary number attached? What if I need less time to heal. What if I need more?
Others say "You are free, go explore and have fun!"
Should I just sit at home alone every night, because I am not "healed" enough?
I understand a 2x4 is coming, but these are questions that I ask /myself/
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
So, if you aren't dating, the only alternative is sitting home alone at night?
Nahhhhh, I don't think so. Get a hobby, join a group, go out with the guys, attend a sporting event, go to a meetup.... then, who knows who you might meet?
