I let her walk on me for so long when it stopped there was so much backlash. Still coming my way though.
That's to be expected, b/c she has ruled the place for so long that she's not going to want to play nicely.
There is a lot of free information on the web about NGS, so keep studying it and don't depend totally on the hyno-therapy. It basically is finding your backbone and not being afraid to act like a real man.
Nice job at facing your W and telling her she can't speak to you in that manner.
Have you sought legal advice? These threats from the step-daughter to falsely testify........hum........maybe she needs to know the consequences for perjury? Just saying.........it may be all tough talk from her, but you never know. Get a lawyer's advice. Informing him of her preintened false report may protect you, but IDK.
How old is the step-daughter? Has she always lived with you, or 50%? Did you act as the disciplinary parent? My guess would be, no. She's learning from her mom how to make you cow down.
You can't "force" your W to stay with her friends, but if she comes back, you can repeat the same action the next time she says or does something to show disrespect toward you. Your overall message should be something along the lines of, "You can act respectfully, or you can leave". You don't have to eat whatever she throws at you. You are the head of the home. You are the leader and protector. Act like it. Stand tall, take charge, respect yourself, and ooze with self confidence. You can do this!
So I made Thanksgiving dinner and ate it, didn't say much. Still working on the if you can't be respectful we won't speak trend. Went out on Friday / Saturday and did my own thing. She was telling my daughter how angry she is that I went and bought new clothes. Plus she kept asking where I was and why I had left.
My oldest daughter is 17 and from my first marriage. Her mother ran off with her and I have only had her for the past year. She is the type that will do what it takes to get what she wants. Our issue is I wanted to be a parent and not her friend. She knows very well I don't care if she likes me or not. Told her we can be friends after she is an adult and can take care of herself. Her mother sent her to me after she had ran away from home.
For my 3 youngest children I am normally the enforcer. Also the fun one. Machiavelli asked is it better to be loved or feared by your subjects. The answer was both. They fear you when they do wrong and love you the rest of the time. Guess that applies to parenting.
Just wanted to put in my two sense on the issues with you daughter. If it were me (depending on your state, but many have a one party consent law on recording. I.E. only one person in the convo. needs to know it's being recorded...YOU. Look into that) I'd put my phone on record and pull my daughter aside and bait here into a conversation on why she would day the things about testifying that she did. Ask her why she would make things up and why she would lie. Sounds like she is filled with "venom"and trying to hurt you emotionally. Sit back, listen and ask her open ended questions. You might get some insight into how to start rebuilding that relationship. You might also get some recordings that will come in handy one day in the future should you find yourself the recipient of what she has already told you she would do. If you don't live in a one party consent state, text messages will also do the job just fine.
Just wanted to put in my two sense on the issues with you daughter. If it were me (depending on your state, but many have a one party consent law on recording. I.E. only one person in the convo. needs to know it's being recorded...YOU. Look into that) I'd put my phone on record and pull my daughter aside and bait here into a conversation on why she would day the things about testifying that she did. Ask her why she would make things up and why she would lie. Sounds like she is filled with "venom"and trying to hurt you emotionally. Sit back, listen and ask her open ended questions. You might get some insight into how to start rebuilding that relationship. You might also get some recordings that will come in handy one day in the future should you find yourself the recipient of what she has already told you she would do. If you don't live in a one party consent state, text messages will also do the job just fine.
Thank you I appreciate your feedback. There are things at the home I am starting to realize. First and foremost the other adults / teenagers want their own way. They don't want to work for it. It is expected because they feel they deserve it. Secondly I am sick of being expected to do the work so they can enjoy a life style they aren't willing to work for. My "W" explained it perfectly this morning while throwing a tantrum.
The issues with my daughter has been handled for the moment. Her mother is picking her up tomorrow. We had a very long talk about it. She knows I love her and I am proud of her. Also explained clearly that I don't appreciate her behavior and attempts to manipulate the situation. My BIL who I support and I are about to have another talk about that subject as well. He doesn't work and just takes the kids to and from school. He just did a part time gig and is planning on buying another expensive toy. Though he expects me to go and buy him clothes. I told him since he made money from a job he needs to buy clothes not a toy. So he talked to my "W" about it, who told me I will be buying him both.
My answer which seems to be large reason we fight was the same as always. He is a grown man, he needs to contribute to his own will being or leave. Personally I would prefer to pay for childcare and be broke than support a grown a** man.
I told him since he made money from a job he needs to buy clothes not a toy. So he talked to my "W" about it, who told me I will be buying him both.
He is a grown man, he needs to contribute to his own will being or leave. Personally I would prefer to pay for childcare and be broke than support a grown a** man.
I dont disagree with you. But, your job is not to dictate to BIL what he can or cannot buy. Your job is to determine what YOU will or will not buy. It is perfectly within your scope to say "you are a grown man and I am not going to continue buying your XYZ while you are working". It is not really your jurisdiction to say "you are a grown man and you need to buy XYZ and not ABC."
Why do you get to be the judge of how he spends his money? Focus instead on what to do with yours.
By the way...what happnes if you say "Im not buying you XYZ" and then W does with marital money?
How she spends the money she earns is her business. If she wants to enable that behavior that is completely on her. All of my pay goes into a separate account now anyway.
Ask them I am not a very nice person. I don't believe in helping people who won't help themselves.
How she spends the money she earns is her business. If she wants to enable that behavior that is completely on her. All of my pay goes into a separate account now anyway.
Does that matter in your state?
My understanding (and I am ABSOLUTELY not a lawyer) is that all of the marital assets get pooled and split, regardless of whose name is on the account. So "her" money is "your" money and vice versa until theres some sort of legal document in place defining who gets what.
So I made Thanksgiving dinner and ate it, didn't say much. Still working on the if you can't be respectful we won't speak trend
So, did you talk with the kids during dinner, or did everyone sit there silently?
Quote:
My oldest daughter is 17 and from my first marriage. Her mother ran off with her and I have only had her for the past year. She is the type that will do what it takes to get what she wants. Our issue is I wanted to be a parent and not her friend. She knows very well I don't care if she likes me or not. Told her we can be friends after she is an adult and can take care of herself. Her mother sent her to me after she had ran away from home.
Oh, gotcha. Bless your heart, you really have a challenge every day, don't you? A rebellious, father-hating teenager.......and your WW who acts just like her and wants to be best buds!
Does your BIL live in the house with you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So I made Thanksgiving dinner and ate it, didn't say much. Still working on the if you can't be respectful we won't speak trend
So, did you talk with the kids during dinner, or did everyone sit there silently?
Quote:
My oldest daughter is 17 and from my first marriage. Her mother ran off with her and I have only had her for the past year. She is the type that will do what it takes to get what she wants. Our issue is I wanted to be a parent and not her friend. She knows very well I don't care if she likes me or not. Told her we can be friends after she is an adult and can take care of herself. Her mother sent her to me after she had ran away from home.
Oh, gotcha. Bless your heart, you really have a challenge every day, don't you? A rebellious, father-hating teenager.......and your WW who acts just like her and wants to be best buds!
Does your BIL live in the house with you?
They all talked among each other and pretty much ignored me. Minus the FIL he talked to me and let me know he liked the food. BIL complained that I ruined the potatoes and turkey. WW made some green bean casserole and fruit salad she was pleasant until FIL left.
Yes he lives with me and I support him. He takes the kids to and from school that is about it. Other than that eats all the food and complains to the WW if things aren't the way he wants them. Of course then she tells me how I am wrong and don't appreciate what a sacrifice he is making. *sighs*
The father hater left today and won't be back. Really didn't like doing it and still crying off and on about it. Love my daughter to death but reality is she wasn't helping the situation so it needed to be done.
The BIL is the next one on the chopping block. Already told him he starts cooking, cleaning and helping more otherwise he is out the door.
So still doing my GAL stuff and going out most nights if only to drive and read in peace and quite. Still taking care of the kids and keep them distracted.
See my therapist tomorrow. About to file the papers myself just to be rid of the WW and the BIL. I love her to death but the constant conflict is going to kill me.
Oh I bought her a pillow on Saturday. Told her it was to make sure she doesn't get a stiff neck from sleeping on couches all the time. I thought it was funny.
So, did you talk with the kids during dinner, or did everyone sit there silently?