Hi Liamj, fantastic news about the social worker. The truth has a way of comimg out and you did the right thing by recording S.
The thing to remember about W is she will have moments of clarity and then return to the fog. The detachment thats talked about on this site is where you need to be with regards to her words and actions. Keep the focus on you and your kids, concentrate on living your life and enjoying it.
My opinion is that all the WASs have regrets but who really knows to what degree or if they ever return to the person they once were. This is were your GAL comes in keeping busy by moving forward with your life.
Your doing well and dealing with this with strength. Its not easy and remember that life is still there to be enjoyed and lived every day. Focus on the positives and dont dwell on the negatives because even though our own problems feel like the weight of the world , things work out and happiness is there if we choose it.
Take care , Rd
Last edited by Cadet; 01/25/1811:36 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Hi Liamj, fantastic news about the social worker. The truth has a way of comimg out and you did the right thing by recording S.
The thing to remember about W is she will have moments of clarity and then return to the fog. The detachment thats talked about on this site is where you need to be with regards to her words and actions. Keep the focus on you and your kids, concentrate on living your life and enjoying it.
My opinion is that all the WASs have regrets but who really knows to what degree or if they ever return to the person they once were. This is were your GAL comes in keeping busy by moving forward with your life.
Your doing well and dealing with this with strength. Its not easy and remember that life is still there to be enjoyed and lived every day. Focus on the positives and dont dwell on the negatives because even though our own problems feel like the weight of the world , things work out and happiness is there if we choose it.
Take care , Rd
Thanks RD,
Yeah I’m trying to detach more and more every day. I’m consumed by the A every day, but I’ve found my thoughts are shifting to 80% Just worrying about the kids. I realised last night that for the first time yesterday the pain I’ve had in my chest since all this began was absent. It came back this morning when she sent me an email, but it quickly went away again. NC has really helped me, plus all the new friends and old that have been supporting me through this. I’ve avoided our old mutual friends in the local area, so I don’t have to listen to how bad her life is. I had a dream last night that we were rockets in space, the other rocket undocked from me and floated off in to space, it looked really small compared to mine. Haven’t got a clue what that was about lol but I felt like it meant I was whole without her, and well she isn’t part of me anymore. Bit deep lol!
I had a bit of an apithanny last night too, I realised that their punishment for destroying our family is that they now have to be with each other as they literally have no one else. Now they may be over the moon at being together, but my gut tells me that it won’t stay this way for long, but even if it does, it’s still a punishment as each are living with a sociopath so I’ve no karma to wait for, it’s already arrived.
Feel like I’ve hit a wall. I saw my STBXW on Friday for a couple of seconds as she collected my son. At first I was fine, it didn’t phase me, but within a couple of hours I felt like I was right back at the start of all this. I just seem to have a tremendous feeling of loss. I miss my family and the joy it brings to just sit and talk about my kids and their antics with someone who shares the same love for them.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle sitting in a room with her for mediation! I’m dreading it.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/28/1801:22 AM. Reason: start a new thread
Hi Liamj , the feeling of loss is completely understandable and it's a grieving process. You have lost the foundation ( your R) for your family and that's a tremendous loss. With time you will see that life does go on and the feelings of loss do become less and less. Right now you have no choice but to accept your feelings BUT that doesn't mean they have to consume you. Use your time constructively and keep busy. Find new adventures for you and yours to take part in. Exploring a local forest or a visit to a zoo , there is loads to do and make special memories.
The mediation will be tough and a couple of things to focus on might be W is done with the R for now so keep that forefront when agreeing or disagreeing to anything. Also have your requirements ready , keep calm and remember this is just another step and will not make or break any future that may or may not happen with W.
Stay on point and dont be distracted with things that really don't matter or certain people's demeanour.
You will get through this , it wont be easy but keep to the DB principles and it will make it easier.
Take each day as it comes , try not to worry about things that may or may not happen. Maybe try posting a bit more so others can offer advice and support.
Take care, Rd
Last edited by Cadet; 01/28/1802:32 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
