I knew my wife and I were too different and I married her anyway. Two months later I regretted it. Now it's been a year and we both can't stand each other. We're both people of faith and believe in staying in it but I feel so stuck. It's so miserable. I'm so upset with myself because I knew it and did it anyway. When we were dating we broke up because of this but then got back together, then things were so very good we decided to get married. We had dated 4 years. I was cautious but at 48 I'm at a point in my life that if you find someone half decent you either seal the deal or possibly be alone forever. She was patient for 3 years but then pushed me in making a decision of either making it permanent or getting on with our lives elsewhere. So there, we married and now one year later we both hate each other. So ridiculous I wish I had listened to myself. My fault I know. So embarrassing. I don't know what to do. It's like we're bad roommates with no love and passion and sex. When we're home together I get up and go to the bathroom and sit there with the door closed just to get away from her. Everything is so awkward. I've never been with someone where it's like this. I know I have a lot of issues and I'm at fault a lot here but this is nothing I've ever experienced before. My wife is extreme OCD. I knew that going in but we never lived together till married and being with this atmosphere is hard. Dating was nothing like living with daily. Everything I do is upsetting to her. We can't even sleep in the same room. I have anxiety issues. Nothing extreme in my opinion but if I figit, pop a knuckle or shake my leg she leaves the room to avoid a fight. We can't eat in the same room because if my fork taps the plate she freaks out. I'm not saying I'm a quiet and calm person but geez no one has ever had a problem with me before. She's made me more aware and I try to not shake a leg or anything when we're around each other but it's gotten to a point where she's on a witch hunt looking for anything I do to gripe about. So it's come down to this..... married a year and when I used to see her I would Think "there's my sweetheart I can't wait to hold her hand". Now I see her and I'm repulsed and think "God get me outta here ". I get blamed for everything and if she's annoyed or having a bad day it's because of me and not being supportive of her OCD and issues she deals with. Is this the rest of my life???? If we split up I'd lose several hundred thousand dollars right off the bat because all our stuff is mingled together. I'm too old to start over again. Seriously this is embarrassing because I knew it and did t anyway. What to do.......
Do you want to save your marriage. To me it seems like you are more worried about the money and embarrassment than saving your marriage. I think your wife and you need to seek counseling. Is she willing to go?
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Do you still love her? Did you ever? Do you want to work on things? Yes, there are big issues but nothing that can't be addressed.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I can't imagine the stress of living under those conditions for either of you. Has your w ever lived with a roommate?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I don't know what to add here as this site is here to save marriages, but I honestly don't see why you would want to save yours. If you hate each other then what's the point? I know you say you would lose lots of money but if you've been married for just a little over a year how bad can it bad financially? I'm guessing your marriage is has business dealings all over it. I don't know. It just seems that way.
Most here want to save their marriage because at least one spouse loves the other. Yours doesn't seem to be that way at all. Just my 2 cents.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Can you get help? Do you even want to? Do you go to IC to clear your head? Is she getting all the help she can get with her OCD? Do you see someone together? Have you thought about trying a separation and see how that would work out for you?
H-30s W-30s M-5 T-10 D4 ILYBNILWY/BD-May/17 W moves out-May/17 D filed-May/17 House sold, move to apartment-Aug/17 D going through-Jan/18?
So sorry for what you are going through. I think you do love her and she loves you but you built a lot of resentment towards each other such that your love is burried under that. I can see why it is easy to get angry and not stand each other. Since you both say you are people offaith I believe faith can help you deal with the resentment. I would suggest getting to counselling (maybe faith related) and also try to grow in your faith by doing what you must do. I believe you 2 are cauht up in a vicious cycle of hurting each other (reacting to one another so much). How about using faith (I know its easier said than done because it takes serious believing, hope and sacrifice). I was in that cycle and everything my H did was making me angry and I couldnt stand him. He felt the same too. I made a deliberate decision to start searching for where I am wrong, praying for revelation (as some of mstakes we might not even be aware). I felt like I was a victim but one day my eyes were open and I saw how my actions were leading to the situation I was in. I deliberately chose to put aside my pride and humble myself, ask him for forgiveness and start working on my issues that were hurting the marriage. After some time H started to reciprocate and slowly the love started growing and we started communicating. I believe you are both good people but u dont kow skills of communication and let things go bad. You can still love again and enjoy your marriage.
M 11 Dated for 4 years before then Me 35 H 39 D 10 BD Feb 2016 A 2015 Dec I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
