Once you find out about the OP -- do you expose or not? What is the best course of action here?
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Welcome to the MLC Forum! I'm sorry that you are here, but you will get some great advice, suggestions and support here.
I'm going to paste in Cadet's Welcome Message because it has a lot of homework for you to read. But, first, to answer your question about the weight gain...yes, they can gain a lot of weight or lose it. They will look terrible for a time and may even be ill often...this is caused by the depression and in some cases, the weight gain is from drinking and/or eating a lot of fast food or junk food.
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon _________________________ Me-62, D30,S28
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Once you find out about the OP -- do you expose or not? What is the best course of action here?
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First, I recognize your name but don't know where your other thread is, which would help me recall your backstory.
So I do not know to whom you'd expose the affair.
Assuming you mean to tell the OP's spouse, I have mixed feelings. (It's not a DB tenet, however). I can understand the urge to disclose to the other married party
but not to strangers or co-workers IF you ever want hope of a recon/
there is a good chance it will make you look wounded and vindictive and possibly play into your h's narrative and his impression management.
If you are at peace with ending the m and scorching others you think deserve it, at least know what you are doing. Exposing to 3rd parties and coworkers tends to backfire big time.
And please don't involve anyone's children or parents. Harming your h's job will also harm your budget and your own kids.
Figure out what your goal is and what the likely ramifications are. Not what you "hope" but what is realistic and who might be hurt.
Collateral damage is what most cheaters don't consider, and we have to be above that.
What do you want to look back on in your own behavior facing this betrayal?
I'm just asking. Do you have a clear idea of your plan? Because unlike the WAS, we cannot act on our emotions without thinking first.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
She has a thread over in Newcomers. I have put the link as the second posting on this thread.
daisy,
It's not a "db" way of doing things in exposing the affair. If you do expose the affair, you may push them together even more so. The best thing that I can suggest is to wait a while. Sometimes affairs burn out and they really have to die their own natural death w/o the help of others fanning them. One thing...please get yourself checked out by you doctor. If he's sleeping w/you and then sleeping elsewhere w/someone else...you need to be careful.
Please read the homework that I have left for you on this thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
daisy, you wrote elsewhere that you already exposed
do you mean speak of it to your h?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
daisy, you wrote elsewhere that you already exposed
do you mean speak of it to your h?
No - I haven't exposed yet. He doesn't know what I really know -- and neither does she. I want to tell him I found the picture of them on social media and how it makes me feel.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
