hey whywhy.....I think this roller coaster will go on for while.....all the senior posters say to buckle up and hang on......in your last post you indicated that your W is being rude to you or possibly showing you some disrespect with her facial expressions etc......I am not an expert on this but you may think about setting some boundaries and telling her that treating you this way is not acceptable. If you read some of what sandi writes she talks extensively about this and how the LBS needs to gain respect from his W.
Thanks Athas - yep, she's a headache right now. But, I do love her and I do want to see how this can be mended.
You're one year older than me, and my wife is the same age as yours. I still love my wife and we've been separated for six months now. But she's been playing these games with me for several years until I said enough is enough and I walked out on her.
My wife doesn't respect me. And yours doesn't respect you.
I tried for years to get her on my side. Bending over backwards. Eventually I took my balls back.
Thanks for that. Yes, I have a feeling that this will go on for a while, sadly. I just have these intense down moments that are so difficult to get through. I'm going to have to work out how to hide those when she is back.
I'm not sure it's disrespect she's showing me as much as the remnants of the intense anger. She is obviously trying to convince herself to move on in her mind and some days for her are better than others.
I have to take responsibility for alot of the damage caused in our marriage over the last year, so don't think I should set specific boundaries at the moment. I think I need to take advantage once she's back to work on my 180's and show her family life as it could be. Maybe start chipping away at the iceberg.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
just be careful whywhy....read some of sandi's posts on WW.....I don't think you are going to be chipping away at the iceberg any time soon. Many of the vets say you have to be prepared to loose your marriage to save it. Set some boundaries for your self and then be prepared to enforce them. Never leave your MBR and if anyone is to leave the home it should be her.
I was lucky I guess....my W volunteered to leave the bedroom and she also volunteered to leave the house.
I think she does respect me, just is very angry about alot of things (some of them with justification).
Also, this is something new and sudden, hasn't been happening for years, so I'm willing to put my balls and ego aside for now I think. Let's see how it goes.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
I think she does respect me, just is very angry about alot of things (some of them with justification).
Also, this is something new and sudden, hasn't been happening for years, so I'm willing to put my balls and ego aside for now I think. Let's see how it goes.
Yes, I'm guessing it's going to be a long haul, even though I'm trying to stay positive to influence my attitude. I'm even trying to believe that the big announcement she's coming back with is that she wants to work on the M. In my heart of hearts, I know it's most likely that she's going to announce either that she's done or an EA or PA.
I am setting up the spare bedroom for her and I am staying in the MBR.
I am also waiting for the argument about her parents to come out again as I overheard her mother telling one of my kids that they are coming next month, even though my W and I had discussed that this wouldn't happen.
My biggest problem now is how to handle the severe down moods that come over me once she's here. It's going to be alot harder to hide.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
Also, this is something new and sudden, hasn't been happening for years, so I'm willing to put my balls and ego aside for now I think. Let's see how it goes.
Putting your balls aside, is NEVER a wise decision, especially when you have a manipulative W. And, she is very manipulative, from what I see. Listen, she has this whole thing planned out. She was being nice until she knew you arranged for her to come back sooner.
I would not be surprised if her mother is behind your W's decision to stay over there. Now, Mother intends to arrive soon, and your W knows you don't want it. I think they plan to take the kids and return to Mother's country. And, here you are talking about putting your balls aside?
Women do not respect men who have no balls. Men without balls are not attractive to us. We like balls, and will try to take our H's balls away from him. Once we get our H's balls, we are not going to freely give them back.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
