Hello all, I will make this short, my wife told me on 5/29 that she ILYBNILWY. she has never said she wants a divorce just that she was not happy and wanted to see an attorney. I suspect she was cheating but after an doing my own investigation concluded she is not (yet). We have had sex 3 times since she said she wanted out but just recently said that she wants to stop.
She has said that I need to back off and her answers about where we stand are always "I dont know".We havve been together for 26 years. I worked way too much and she felt left out. We are living in the same house and things are pleasant meaning evven today I was carrying water in the front door and she helped me.
I completely backed off and started doing evverything I had done prior to her telling me and now she seems like we are getting back to normal.
My real question is this, how often is this triggered by someone cheating. When she started to get all dressed up for work I did talked to her and she said she wanted to look good.
any advise would be greatly appreciated.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Do not engage in any discussions about your relationship. Even if she brings it up don't take the bait to start an argument. You can say things like I understand how you would feel that way or I'll have to think about that. Do not give into an argument.
Read all the resources Cadet posted and post here often. Read others stories they will help you and have lots of great advice from others
Do not engage in any discussions about your relationship. Even if she brings it up don't take the bait to start an argument. You can say things like I understand how you would feel that way or I'll have to think about that. Do not give into an argument.
Read all the resources Cadet posted and post here often. Read others stories they will help you and have lots of great advice from others
If the WW says that we've grown apart is that a sign that they are having an affair?
Most likely, or some sort of fantasy!
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
If the WW says that we've grown apart is that a sign that they are having an affair?
Hello bhappy2,
There isn't a one size fits all answer to this question.
Your best bet is to focus all of your time, effort and energy into being the best bhappy2 that only a fool would leave. Do this for yourself.
I highly recommend taking of advantage of the online special for Telephone Coaching. You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our DB coaching program at 303-444-7004.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Ok I think it was a fantasy, I can see nothing that points to a PA. Since she told me we've grow apart we are getting along better than ever. She is just really confused right now and we talk casually all the time she initiates. Its been 8 days since we have had physical contact but I sense she wants to.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Ok I think it was a fantasy, I can see nothing that points to a PA. Since she told me we've grow apart we are getting along better than ever. She is just really confused right now and we talk casually all the time she initiates. Its been 8 days since we have had physical contact but I sense she wants to.
Do not read into what she is saying to you. My XW had (at least) an EA towards the end of our marriage and we still had intimacy almost all the way till the end... She also seemed confused, which I assume is natural if they are weighing their options. So just be careful and as Cadet mentioned, get the DR book asap.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
