New to this, don't want to get into my entire story but wife is having EA and found out of an PA 5 months ago, wife will be filing for divorce anytime now. Still care about my wife and we have 3 kids that we are both very close with. How do I GAL when I want to spend time with the kids at our house, we do a lot of activities together, I can't just leave the house to get my life on when they need me now more than ever??
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
New to this, don't want to get into my entire story but wife is having EA and found out of an PA 5 months ago, wife will be filing for divorce anytime now. Still care about my wife and we have 3 kids that we are both very close with. How do I GAL when I want to spend time with the kids at our house, we do a lot of activities together, I can't just leave the house to get my life on when they need me now more than ever??
Hi dusty,
Sorry for the situation you are in. I have 4 kids at home and a WW. The best advice I can give you is to do lots of things with your kids. Find some new activities and create GAL opportunities there as much as you can. You can't go wrong by investing time in your kids.
When I go out myself I just try to do things that are close to home like running, hiking, etc.
Hope this helps. Keep posting as I'm sure others are in similar situations.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I am really sorry you are here. Can you give more information. Ages, years together etc. Was the PA with the same person as EA? Why can't you get out to GAL and have your W watch the kids?
S16 going into his senior year, S13, and D 11. MY kids will be devastated!! My WW and I have been together 25 years married 20yrs in June. PA was with a different person than EA. She said that she gave up on the marriage years ago and why not do something like this. We had a very active physical relationship so I know this was not the reason. Had multiple d days, she has told me that why would I want to be with a person that would do that to me? Because she's my wife and the the mother of our kids, as tough as it is I can forgive but the window is closing. As far as me GAL with wife watching the kids, I work out at the gym, go on walks by myself and do stuff around the house.
Just found out she filed!!! Says she is done and doesn't want to keep dragging this out. She will not give up the EA, that is what is driving the wedge between us. My kids will be absolutely devastated to learn that mom and dad didn't try to work on it. Heartbroken.
First things first: breathe. Where you are right now [censored] but you're going to live through it, no matter what happens.
LH19 and Cadet have already given you great advice. Try following it. It's hard. I failed miserably. But I promise it's worth it.
You have more opportunities for GAL than you think you do. I work a full time job, and have my six year old during the week as her day to day parent. Her mother has her on the weekend, so that's when I plan my activities. I do things with my daughter as much as possible as well. Making yourself better is a must. Not for your M, not for your kids, but for YOU. GAL is a huge part of that.
By the best dusty you can be. Be the best dad you can be. If there's something salvable, those two things will save it.
More of my story, we have been together for almost 25 years. We, I thought had a great relationship, never fought, never argued ever! I always supported everything she wanted to do and her as well, we had a good marriage. We have the three kids that we both love and we are/were a close family. In 2014 my WW lost her father who was everything to her, I have come to the realization through my therapist that her dad was more important than me and our kids, she always put him first. They talked everyday as they lived close, he always made her feel like a princess. Since his passing she seems to be lost and found a connection through an online based business. She is always on social media trying to gain a customer base. This is where this problem started, she talks to people all the time and of course they tell her the things that her dad was telling her, I on the other hand was taking care of our kids very busy schedules. When she finally told me she has been unhappy for years and wanted a divorce that she was done it of course was a huge shock! She blamed me for drinking, having a toxic attitude and being verbally abusive to our kids, which of course none of it is true. He EA partner fed into this and told her everything she wanted to hear even though this person lives across the country. Upon the first divorce talk we went to a marriage retreat that WW recommended, the weekend was useless as she was messaging all the time with AP. I did everything wrong, I begged and pleaded for her to give it some time to work on it, her response was she had been. We never had any discussion's that she was unhappy which angers me that she won't even try! Since then I have been trying to find out what went wrong, did she has a PA? I found proof that she was carrying on with multiple guys online when she left her social media and email logged on that even our kids would have viewed. I witness a discussion with the original EA and another guy at the same time. One was very explicit, she even wanted to know if he was in town so they could hook up. I exposed this one to the guys wife and it came to an end, she is still talking to original EA. While looking at a phone bill I noticed that she had made some phone calls from another state when I was out of town, I confronted her and she told me she met a guy and had sex with him, so now I can't believe a word she says because I have a feeling she has been with a few other guys. How is this my fault???? She told me she did this to make it easier to break off our marriage! She blames me for this! I know all this doesn't paint a very good picture of my WW but I can forgive, most of you probably will tell me to run but I love my kids and do not want to lose them, I am unable to envision my life not seeing them everyday. I have attempted to 180/last resort but seem to backslide when I think we have a good day or weekend. I will tell her tonight that I will not be in an open marriage and she needs to sleep in another room as she is a cheater and our marital bed is for a married couple that she doesn't value anymore. BTW.. our 20 year anniversary is in two weeks! Almost made it, looks like I will be going out to eat by myself!
