Not sure on the lawyer part, the fact that she would readily discuss going to see one seems a bit open. I'm sure she is weighing her options and she knows financially she can't live on her own so I think she was feeling out the alimony, child support, custody options. All the same things I discussed with my potential attorney as well. I saw a $425 charge from her attorney which is too small for a retainer, hoping it's just a consult fee but could be a filing fee too now that I think of it.
Well SHE says she texted the OM and broke off all ties but when I asked to see the text she (conveniently) deleted it. So, I have requested that she send a NC letter to him and make sure she CC's me on it as well. I said this yesterday. She pushed back a bit saying that it was redundant. I reminded her that I wasn't included on that and if she wanted to be transparent like she has said, then she would make sure that I was on the email to him. I provided some samples but of course told her to put it in her own words.
Last night of course she spent a couple of hours talking to a relative, texting, surfing, etc. but never sent the letter. I mentioned it again and she said she would send it soon.
As of right now, 20 hours later, still no letter. I texted her the following:
"If you do not wish to formally and openly cut ties with OM and/or anyone else you may be having an affair with then let me know so I know where i stand. I will not personally follow up with him or anything but I do need to be copied to show transparency. Again not to be controlling but this is something I need for me to better have trust in your words and actions. Ball in your court. If you want to proceed with your affair, that's your perogative and I can't stop you from doing so, I just need to know one way or the other your intentions."
Yes that is a bit weak, but giving her the option. She of course has yet to respond but had time to call me about something random and also send me a couple of pictures my youngest drew. Doesn't look like she has any intentions of cutting ties at this point.
I'm going silent...she no longer deserves any of my attention and definitely non of my trust or respect. I only wish I could get her out of our home. Darn laws always getting in the way.
Yes I've been trying to work on myself and this I understand completely. It isn't easy though as right now it is tough to be motivated to do much of anything. I ensure the children are cared for but that makes it tough to find time for myself.
When we do have relationship conversations, which is rare, she keeps telling me that I am making a mountain out of a molehill and that things aren't as bad as I make them to be. I try to paint the picture I see from my end and tell her to put herself in my shoes but that obviously isn't much of a concern to her right now.
Derek - I commented on your second thread, and thought I would read back through your first. My gosh this sounds exactly like what my XW said. It hurts to hear that they have no Empathy for what you are going through, in fact until it happens to them they won't. Good luck sir, your going to need it. Do your homework and do your best not to fall into her traps, do you right now and let her have her space.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
