This morning I asked my wife if she could set aside some time this week to start talking about our D. Setting up a timeline, finding a mediator, etc. I was doing this so as to be respectful and not catch her off guard. Her response was "You're in a hurry."
I was floored but then recovered enough to realize that was the response of a cake eater.
I guess my question is when we do have the conversation do I confront that atitude. After all, I am giving her what she wants, a D. Or, do I just keep going with the DB'ing and ignore whatever attitude she gives me? My guess is I shouldn't even try to confront her attitude since it would be a waste of time. She needs to be broken by realizing the fact her A is about to be exposed and she's about to lose everything.
Am I on the right track. Help.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I wouldn't even address the attitude as long as your still db'ing. If your ready to move on from this point whether it's the BD or reconciliation. That should determine your next move. You mentioned that she was a cake eater, so that right there means that it's time for her make real decision. If your good with possibly her choosing a BD, then go with it if your ready to move on. But if your not ready for that, then take your time. Perhaps time will help her realize that she wants the MR over the OM. Have the feeling I'll have to make the same choices with my W in the next few months.
That's pretty much my thinking. I left the next move with her though. She's supposed to tell me a time this week when she's ready to discuss. I think its more than likely Friday will roll around and she won't mention it.
And yes I need to do more thinking about how long I can wait in this.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I can see my MR going in the same direction as yours. Right now I feel as if my W and I are friends with benefits. If you could take a look at my thread and give any advice it would be appreciated. Though my why has gone solely to an EA due to the distance of the OM.
I can only speak from my experience, but if you let her control the timeframe, she will continue to eat cake, what brought my W back was the realisation that she had thrown everything away and the also force OM into realising he was getting her full time.
I think if you delay she will just keep cake eating, do you what to be in a open marriage?
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Hi Resolut, Just sending you some positive waves. I was separated physically for almost a year and i had to be to push the discussion through. One excuses after another like "this weeks not good" then "oh i have a work trip coming up" then "oh taking kids out of town".
It was frustrating but in the end i had to call her out on it.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Again I just have to say this is all so hard to take after you trust someone for 25 years. When I got the ILYBINILWY speech a couple of months ago, she was the one talking about divorce and I was just devastated and surprised since it was so out of the blue. Its so hard to comprehend that now that I'm at the point of being ready to divorce, she goes silent and avoids the whole thing. I'm going to wait until Friday.
In the meantime, I'll catch up on everyone else's threads.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I think if you delay she will just keep cake eating, do you what to be in a open marriage?
Truth...and the three affairs...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
In the meantime until Friday what are you doing? Moping around the house lamenting your troubled marriage? I'll bet your WW is not doing that. She's out living it up. People who mope around the house are not very attractive. You need to start real GAL right now. Go out and have a blast. Join a gym and start getting in shape. Be someone that other people might be attracted to and not feel sorry for.
