It's been a long time since I've checked in. There's so many new people here! First off, I'm sorry you are here. Second, you are amongst some of the greatest people I have ever met.
I just wanted to take a minute to provide some of you with some encouragement.
For those of you who don't know me, I have been here 2x and successfully DB'd my M both times. DBing truly does work! But there are no guarantees. You can DB all day, every day and never get your spouse back. However, you can get yourself back, and that is extremely powerful.
I won't get into too much detail, but the single best piece of advice I can give you (if you want to save your relationship) is to move on!
That's right, I said move on. Let go. Move forward with your life.
Regarding my sitch, both times I immediately implemented the LRT. My W and I have no kids together and there's nothing that required us to stay in communication. Both times, I went complete and total no contact. I didn't do this to be a jerk to her. I did this because it was the best thing I could do to help me detach. I literally did not hear a peep from her for 3 months. I never checked her Facebook and I erased her contact info from my phone. The pain was so severe that I couldn't look at her name on my phone.
I was riddled with panic attacks and severe anxiety and depression. No sleep. I remember walking around like I was in a fog. My work suffered and I could only focus on my sitch. I would rather be hit by a car than to go through that anguish again.
Eventually she started coming around and asked to meet for coffee and the rest is history. We've both grown leaps and bounds but the work never stops, relationships are tough!
Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know to keep fighting the good fight. Let go of your partner. Start working on yourself and doing things outside of your comfort zone. Let your faith be bigger than your fear.
Good going on your R. It's something we're already trying to do, obviously.
What are you doing to ensure there isn't a third BD?
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Thanks for that. As someone who would like to be hit by a car because the grief feels overwhelming, and as someone who is moving out tomorrow, I needed to hear that.
What are you doing to ensure there isn't a third BD?
The only thing I have control of is myself and how I react to life's bumps in the road. With that being said, I focus on the things I've learned here. DBing doesn't stop when you reconcile with your partner.
Thanks for that. As someone who would like to be hit by a car because the grief feels overwhelming, and as someone who is moving out tomorrow, I needed to hear that.
You are early in on the process, Cadence. I feel your pain. It gets better, I promise.
So good to see you back on the boards. There are 8-10 sitches on this site that I went back and read through from day 1 and yours was one of those. I'm so glad that you checked back in with all of us. It was so weird when I saw you name on this new thread. I thought, surly that can't be the same guy from 2013. Anyway, I hope you can share what your journey has been like with all of the members here.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
