For me, forgiveness is a personal choice. She doesnt need to know if you forgive her. To me, reaching out to tell her you 'forgive her' is pursuing.
I think forgiveness is for yourself as well, but I too agree that I wouldn't tell her you forgive her. It does sound like that would be perusing.
I also agree that Sandi2's post was spot on and you should read it over and over. I have read it multiple times and will continue to read it because it really rings true in regards to a WW and OM.
Being the LBS really [censored], but you need to just focus on yourself right now and not worry about what she is thinking or doing. That will just drive you nuts.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Well, I just got myself a 2x4, I guess. I dug through Facebook chat between me and my wife. I found some random, very playful, sweet chat, from 2012, and sent her a screenshot of it.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Yeah, it's very rare that I do anything like that these days. Usually if I contact her at all, it's to tell her something that has nothing to do with "us".
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Mornings are always the hardest time of the day for me. I think it's due to low blood sugar in the mornings. Unfortunately, I never have an appetite in the morning. My appetite was even weak in the morning when I was happy with my wife. Instead of morning depression, then, I had morning anxiety. I had a hard time getting out of the house and especially traveling. I believe this is the main reason she left me, because it was the first reason she gave, and initially, she gave just a couple reasons. She was tired of living her life chained to me, holding her back. I was left because of a health problem. I always believed she would leave me if I ever got a terrible disease like cancer, though I always hoped I was wrong, and that she was better than that. She did put up with my anxiety, which has now turned back into depression, for 10 years. But marriage is supposed to be "till death do us part"..
Anyone else have morning depression or anxiety?
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
I don't know how I manage to lose my posts before I can send it.
I won't attempt to rewrite the "book" I was previously typing. Besides, you probably have researched morning anxiety and solutions for avoiding a lot of it.
I'll give some highlights. No alcohol before bedtime the previous evening. No cafinated drinks in the morning, as these can be triggers.
Give yourself more time in the mornings, to reduce stress. Instead of the usual loud blast of an alarm clock, have music or nature sounds programmed to gently wake you.
To battle the low blood sugar, have a healthy snack, (prepard the previous night), waiting on the bedside table. No high sugar drinks or food for "breakfast", b/c it causes a rebound in blood sugar. Have a protein drink, if you can't handle food to chew. If you can't stand the taste, you might try drinking through a straw. It helps to bypass some of those taste buds and get nutrition into your system.
Some people find that walking or some other forms of exercise for 15-20 minutes can have positive results. Listening to music that gets the blood pumping can be a source of positive energy. Having a list of personal affirmations to read, might help you to be more resolved to begin your day on a positive note.
Facing a new morning is not the time to mentally rehash M issues, or anything that causes stress. Place your personal problems on the shelf to deal with later. Be your own best friend as you are getting prepared to go out to face your world.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
