Sink or Swim

[Dawgs]

Hi Chewie! Thanks for stopping in!

I hope for better days ahead for all of us.

You and me both. There have to be better days, no?

[Dawgs]

Hi 2016!


Thank you for the kind words.

I've never heard it termed as CD, but you are correct. She is re-writing everything as part of her justification. Oh, I've been made out to be more than the devil. Anything and everything that could be blamed on me has been, even made up stuff. Sigh.

She's lying to everyone including herself. If you believe in God, just sit back. She can't lie to Him.

Truer words have never been spoken, ma'am.

[Bdog37]

Jeep, So sorry to hear that brother.

I think we all know where you are coming from. The hatred projected towards you seems all too familiar for most of us. I have been told several times that it's not about me, but its about her. I know this doesn't help, at all, but maybe try and look at it that way. The hate that she shows you is how she feels inside. She has to hate you because she believes you are the source of her unhappiness and by hating you she is able to justify her actions. However, just keep in mind that no matter how she acts towards you that it isn't about you....its all about her, or so I'm told.

Again, I know those words will not bring you any comfort because I am sure a part of you still sees her as the woman you once knew and loved. This is what is so troubling to many of us. We wonder how our "ghost" don't linger in their minds and how they are able to become this new person and forget their past with us so easily. Like we never existed. Its so hard to come to the realization that the person you once loved is now just another stranger. Hang in there my friend. One day, when you least expect it, someone will come along and give you everything you deserve.

Divorce lingers forever. It is like a disease that you transmit to your children and grandchildren. Who the hell would knowingly and willfully ever transmit such a horrific disease to the very people that they love the most?

I have no ideal and it makes me sick to my stomach. Course, if you no longer love them, then its easy to do so I guess.

She's lying to everyone including herself. If you believe in God, just sit back. She can't lie to Him.

^^^^ So true!

[Dawgs]

Sal27,

She has to hate you because she believes you are the source of her unhappiness and by hating you she is able to justify her actions. However, just keep in mind that no matter how she acts towards you that it isn't about you....its all about her, or so I'm told.

So I've been told, too. Not sure where any of it came from. That was just crazy. That behavior was way out from left field. Was one of the most painful things I've gone through.

Again, I know those words will not bring you any comfort because I am sure a part of you still sees her as the woman you once knew and loved. This is what is so troubling to many of us. We wonder how our "ghost" don't linger in their minds and how they are able to become this new person and forget their past with us so easily. Like we never existed. Its so hard to come to the realization that the person you once loved is now just another stranger. Hang in there my friend. One day, when you least expect it, someone will come along and give you everything you deserve.

You know, you're right. I guess I will always see her as that woman I loved. Honestly, I don't think we are a ghost in their minds...however, I do think we linger as either a "painful" reminder of a mistake (in their mind) that we were, or its a ghost filled with malice. Who knows.

The sad thing is that when our exes reach the point of wanting a divorce, they are done and aren't coming back. Its an unwanted reality check for most of us who walk blindly on hope.

I just never, never expected her to behave in that manner. It was nothing unlike I have ever seen her do in the time I've known her. Sigh.

I'm not sure I'll ever be that open to anyone again. She did a number on my trust. Sigh.

[010207]

I get the trust issues. My guess is that every one of us has them and will always have them in some form.

The problem is that if you let your mistrust fully take hold, you'll be a very lonely soul. Relationships require trust of some sort. Even if it's just friendship.

We will all have baggage that we will carry into any future relationships or our M for anyone lucky enough to reconcile. How we choose to handle it will set the tone for our own happiness. My WH is taking enough away from me now, I won't let him take away my future too. Hope you come out the other side, Jeep.

[Bdog37]

I'm not sure I'll ever be that open to anyone again. She did a number on my trust. Sigh.

I feel ya brother. I have already repeatedly told myself the same thing. How can I ever love again? How can I ever open myself up again? How can I ever trust again? These questions are all normal for a LBS because this isn't something that we wanted. However, learning from here I have begun to start loving my single self again. (I say single because you are correct, once they have D in mind there is no turning back). Therefore, by loving the person I have become from all this I know that one day there will be OW who recognizes that and will love me the way I need to be loved. Its going to take time and a lot of healing, but eventually I will open up again. I'm sure you will to and it will happen when you least expect it to.

I just never, never expected her to behave in that manner. It was nothing unlike I have ever seen her do in the time I've known her. Sigh.

^^^^UGH! Karma is a b****. Hang in there man.

[WillDo]

Ditto. I even go to another level. I see no trust in the world. My closest has been doing things behind my back. I even think about that from my own mother. Fondness and Admiration is a daily struggle. I simply trust too much.

Again, you are the brave one. You are fighting against it. Keep going.

[Dawgs]

Hi Chewie!

The problem is that if you let your mistrust fully take hold, you'll be a very lonely soul. Relationships require trust of some sort. Even if it's just friendship.

See, that's the rub. For 10 years she kept that great big elephant named abuse hidden. Never said a word about it. And I trusted her with my life. As more and more stuff was coming out, a little nugget leading back to 2011 appeared. Has me questioning so much concerning that relationship. But, you are right. I can't let that part of me ruin everything else. There are only a select few that I completely trust. Sure, it'll open back up in time, I guess.

Hope you come out the other side, Jeep.

I can see the door, but not the stairs leading to it.

[Dawgs]

Hi Sal27!

Its going to take time and a lot of healing, but eventually I will open up again. I'm sure you will to and it will happen when you least expect it to.

You are very correct, sir. After all that's gone down and especially during the proceedings, it's taken its toll... One day, my friend. One day.

^^^^UGH! Karma is a b****. Hang in there man.

I hope so, man. I'm hanging by my fingernails, but still hanging.

Hey man, I'll extend the same offer I have to others - look me up on Tacoma World. SpacemanSpiff.

[Dawgs]

Ditto. I even go to another level. I see no trust in the world. My closest has been doing things behind my back. I even think about that from my own mother. Fondness and Admiration is a daily struggle. I simply trust too much.

Again, you are the brave one. You are fighting against it. Keep going.

Thank you, WillDo. Good to hear from you.

On one hand, I agree with you. On the other, I was of the trusting sort before all this went down. It is a struggle, my friend.