Soon to be divorced

[toi]

i havent contacted her since she moved out. been 3 days

every day has its different hardships by itself.

hit the gym for a little yesterday , will do the same today i think.

business is going as usual, i am just waiting hear ffrom her about divorce and mayber other things.

what do you guys think of this dynamic for now?

thanks

[Rose888]

Good job not contacting her.

Do you have an appointment with a doctor?

How did your therapy session go yesterday?

What's something fun that you have planned for yourself?

No contact is only part of the solution. It's equally important to focus on making changes and getting a life.

[2chiquitos]

Keep yourself busy. Get (another) degree. Keep busy to that extent.

[ForGump]

toi--

While all the DB principles are helpful for any marriage, I think that in your case your problems were so specific, you have to stay focused on that. If it were me, I would work on getting my sexual health back to a healthy place (with serious help from professionals), and once you have made some progress, I'd let your wife know, and see what she thinks.

It would be unwise to focus on all the regular DB practices if you're not addressing the very specific reason why your W left you. Many people come here having trouble understanding exactly why our respective spouses left us. In your case, you have a clear, specific reason.

Sorry if I'm repeating.

I hope you've made an appointment with a physician?

[toi]

i have high cholestrol, testasteron is ok.maybe i wasnt too attracted to my wife after some point , who knows.

therapist says to GAL and focus on myself and not think about getting back together at all.

according to her my main problem was being too bossy and argumentative, snappy. anyhow lets keep us updated.

she e-mailed me yesterday about the stuff she has been upto. basically she is removing herself financially from my life. phone bills, insurance, bank cards etc. we dont owe any balances anywhere so its fairly straight forward. she needs me to release her number from the att account so she can switch it over to her moms.shes got new car insurance.

i called her after receiving this e-mail and went over these things with her. she also wants us to go file the divorce together next week. i told her why not wait to see how everything works out. she is like nope i am sure this is what i want. i want to be divorced and move on. very sure about what she wants. so at this point i think this is the end for our R and M. sayanora soon to be ex wife.she says she wants to be just friends. hmmmm i dont think i could do that after 7-8 years with someone.

im still sad over it but i can not force someone for anything. in the mean time i am hitting the gym with friends and thinking about a game plan for new life. i am stuck with our rental condo.i can afford it but ideally maybe i will need a roommate not to be wastefull.

thanks for everyones support.

[ForGump]

toi-- are you overweight? How is your cardiovascular health?

[toi]

i am 6 2 and now 215 after all this anxiety. was 227. athletic build.

i'd say my cardiovascular health is not so good.

problem is , it is too too late at this point. i am already waiving the white flag about my M.

however i will be doing stuff for my own health and future.

[Dawgs]

am already waiving the white flag about my M

You don't have to waive the white flag, at least not yet anyway. Who knows what the future will bring. Maybe she will come back, maybe not. We have the gift (and also the curse) of not being able to see the future. Use this time just for you and taking care of the path you are on...you can leave room for her if she so desires to travel with you again at some future point, but don't live your life and pin your hopes on what another may/may not do. I know, the toughest of the things to hear by far. I still struggle with it - may path has room for her but I don't look for her anymore.

[ForGump]

toi--

You are right, you cannot force your wife to take you back. For that matter, what wife would want to take you back if you're not sure you find her attractive, and you don't really feel motivated to have sex with her? Your wife is saying she is done, because she done with respect to the kind of husband you WERE. If you became someone better, that gives her a whole new question to ponder.

It seems to me, the biggest question you have to find the answer to is what YOU want. What kind of a person YOU want to be. What kind of a woman YOU want to be with. What kind of a romantic/sexual relationship you want to be in. I believe once you know what you want, the rest will follow.

I mean, many of us come here because our spouses are being highly unreasonable: "walk-away", "wayward," and/or "mid-life crisis." So far, based on what you told us, your wife isn't going through any of those. She seems pretty reasonable. So, the ball is really in your court.

Which is a really enviable position to be in.

[2chiquitos]

Hi Toi,
Good for you on going to an MC. Good for you on going to the gym. Good for you on waiting til you got an email from her.

Now you will need to take care of Toi.

Some advice, don't call her after she emails you. If you didnt understand, email her your question. Post it here if you don't know if you're being cleat and concise.

She's emailing you because she doesn't want to talk to you. Wait for her to initiate a conversation over the phone.