Journey to the D

[Dawgs]

Yours sounds just like mine. Blew up our marriage over things that aren't divorce worthy.

Stay strong, my friend.

[Tofbrks]

Yours sounds just like mine. Blew up our marriage over things that aren't divorce worthy.

Stay strong, my friend.

Did hear a good bit of sdvice.. feeling in love is great but down the road you must choose to love once the inevitable feelings of love leave..

[JujuB]

I frequently felt frusturated, resentful, angry with and ignored by my ex. But I still loved him and never thought of ending a marriage.

To me it's par for the course.. living with any one for a long period of time and with the normal stresses of life is gonna be hard. But anything else would be a fairytale.

A lot of the walkaways are just people chasing fairy tales.


Regarding dating...I dated some one 1.5 years after ex physically left. But we were and am not divorced. I wouldn't recommend it. But get that's it's something to experience.

For me, I was vulnerable and wanted too much to please. I demanded nothing. Almost to proove my husband wrong. I was an awesome partner bUT also very emotionally detached. I ended up realizing pretty quick that the relationship would not be good for me long term. Things ended after about 6 months.

I still don't regret it though for the experience and perhaps friendship that me and that guy might be able to have.

[Tofbrks]

Thanks juju for chiming in,as always I welcome others opinions and views.
I never thought about leaving either , knew it wasn't ideal but all in all was good. I just think like you said she wanted a fairytale and it had "run out of gas " in her eyes. Here lately have been questioning if there was anything I could have done to prevent it.. yes there probably was but there was plenty she could have done as well .. she chose not to.

The woman I married is no longer there or at least who I thought she was.. or could have never been there to start with.

[Dawgs]

"Could have never been there to start with..."

This is probably more prelevant than we know...

[Tofbrks]

Kinda sucky weekend .. work and not much else. Still in this funk of just feeling down a bit and rewinding M. Other things like woman friend of mine has drama going on with her x and good friend of mine just broke off with lt gf of 12 or so years. So not much real cheery news here lately.

On the dating front .. not much going on either. And many have stressed the importance of being comfortable being alone. Don't know if I'm there yet.. close but then again would love to be involved .. but is that just a longing to cover over and distract?

Just sorta stuck in a rather sucky place and feeling...

[Dawgs]

On the dating front .. not much going on either. And many have stressed the importance of being comfortable being alone. Don't know if I'm there yet.. close but then again would love to be involved .. but is that just a longing to cover over and distract?

Dating and going on "dates" are two completely different animals. Just going to get coffee works wonders for the soul.

[Tofbrks]

Have a bday coming up for my d8... think the stbxw is planning a together party or at least the bday is not split like other "holidays".. I don't yet feel comfortable with that and om showing is a possibility... and I'm assuming that is what would happen. Should I let it go ?

And the stbxw wants to come over and clean out d8 closet.. not comfortable with her being in my house.. we have an agreement and all has been split.. so she has no legal right to be in home.

On both these issues I worry about appearing petty and bitter , feelings I don't believe I have ... just not there on the comfort level to have her "back around"
Chime in please with and 2cents you can offer ...

[doodler]

Tofbrks,

If you don't feel comfortable with your stbxw in your house then, unless there's an emergency, she should not be in your house.

A few weeks after separation, I told my wife that she wasn't welcome in my house. She could come to the front door, but that's as far she could go. There were several reasons for doing that; the main reason was that we'd usually begin arguing when she'd come into the house and I didn't want that to continue.

To enforce that, you have to be willing to call the police if she comes into the house and won't leave when you tell her to go. (The cops handle those types of situations all the time; it's not a big deal to call them.) It also helps to change the locks and get an inexpensive video camera to monitor the door.

[Dawn70]

Tofbrks,

I don't think you sound petty or bitter. If you don't feel comfortable with her in your house, that's a boundary and you have EVERY right to set boundaries for yourself and your children in your own home. That is your safe space, so to speak and she has no claim to it. Why does she want to clean out d8's closet in YOUR house? That seems like that is really none of her business. I mean, I realize she is d8's mom, but do you ask her if you can go to her house and clean out d8's closet? I don't know you or your STBXW, so I'm just speculating, but coming from a woman's point of view, that seems a little like a control maneuver.

I never had to deal with this situation, so I'll just say what Doodler said above about calling the police if necessary sounds perfectly reasonable. I just don't see a reason for her coming in to take care of things in a house that isn't hers. Makes no sense to me.

Oh and the party thing. I lived in fear of seeing my XH and his new tart when we first split and it is jolting when it happens, but I say in the case of d8's birthday, just do what you have to do for HER sake and try to let the rest sort itself out. Is it possible to do separate parties so that you don't have to deal with STBXW at all?