You know he gets a pay off with his nastiness. I know you know this. You can do the boundaries and consequences thing. Don't forget they are your best ally besides talking to the rights friends - and of course a bit of self healing (those soaks in the bath etc).
I will check in more fully soon.
Take care!!
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
So it’s been a fair while since i posted on here. My wh is nearly divorced from me, we’re in the final stage of what has been a very long process- which shouldn’t have been as i haven’t contested anything. I’ve spent the last few months really soul searching and getting to know me again. My confidence has increased a little, although I’ve still a long way to go. I happened to meet someone that i have really clicked with. Obviously it’s early days and we’ve not even been on a date yet. Obviously I’m beyond nervous, and in my head I’m still feeling as if I’m doing something wrong and that I’d be cheated on my stbxh. This feeling was not helped by him figuring out i was talking to someone (think he read my texts). He got angry really fast demanding to know who it is. I told him that that was none of his business, to which he started using the kids as some excuse saying about how if someone is involved with me then they will be involved with the kids. He was demanding to know all sorts and when i refused to tell him he continued to get very angry.
This has of course affected my mood now where part of me thinks that i shouldn’t bother with a date as it’s just going to cause to much trouble. Just wondering if this is normal of an ex to behave this way
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sickening in his part. Remind him he fired you as his W and has no say in such things, kids or no kids.
I would suggest waiting until the D is finalized to actually start dating to avoid complications. My guess is your H was controlling during the MR (I've not read your whole sitch) so is continuing that even into D.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
What you describe in your STBX is from everything I've read here and elsewhere an incredibly normal reaction by a selfish person.
You mention that things are progressing slowly. In some cases people will add conditions to a parenting agreement like "no overnights by strangers" and when / if / how a new person can be introduced. I expect that in your case that the other party isn't rational enough to think of that. I presume you have and expect to continue to have sole custody? That does affect things and reduces his rights wrt to the children I believe. Since my own kids are adults I've not paid too much attention.
If it becomes a problem, actual real legal advice may be required but if you look past the spew and anger and him trying to maintain ownership of you it is something you probably need to take seriously.
I'm glad that you've found a bit of a flutter in a new friend. No telling where that may go. I've had more than a few false starts of my own. All of which made me feel good about myself discovering that these charming, interesting ladies find me worth some of their time.
Glad to see you (((Cherry!)))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thanks for the responses and the love guys. So we are now officially legally divorced. I feel like this has dragged on for so long, i didn’t even really feel anything when i got the papers through. However, he has now decided that he doesn’t think that our religious divorce was done properly (insinuating I’m still his wife). I told him that itd been fine for the last two years, so why now. I feel like i know that, and the answer is control.
Part of me was feeling like, well what if he wanted to try again, do i do it. But we’ve already been through this process once. And this is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I’d be a fool to do it again. There’s no change in him, no apologies. He just doesn’t like the idea of someone else having me
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, that always makes me so mad. WAHs tend to be worse about this than WAWs. Maybe it is rooted in the worlds past of polygamy. You didn't see Ws with multiple Hs, but Hs with multiple Ws.
Regardless, it sickens me to no end to see a WAS see it through to D, then turn around and STILL try to exert control over their LBS.
I'd tell him point blank, "religiously we were divorved WAY before we were legally. We were religiously divorced the minute you stuck Mr. Winkie into OW." (I am assuming here you are Christian, probably a bad assumption.)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Cherry, your response was great. I am still shaking my head over your X.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
