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[Moose42]

What is your part in financing this fantasy life of hers? Is she paying 100% of her rent and expenses?

Hi TX. Yes she is paying for everything. Not 1 cent coming from me.

[Moose42]

Sounds as if the rug was pulled out for you two. Were there ever any texting or online gaming in the past?

We went to 2 couples sessions and she stopped going. Says she don't think she wants a divorce yet. Says we both have to work on ourselves.
Whenever I have brought up anything about the progress about the M or starting to work on R all I got from her is "I don't know".

I interpret this a little differently than the guys. IMHO, whenever a woman is saying this, she really means that she doesn't want to work as a "couple". In other words, she does not want to work on the MR, at the current time. When pushed, she said she didn't know.....but sometimes women will say that, rather than giving a clear & direct answer. However, I do agree that her saying she doesn't want a divorce could be seen as somewhat hopeful.....if you are willing to wait.

The fact that she did not want to continue with the MC, tells me she does not want to deal with a marriage relationship at this time.....b/c MR's have problems....and a past with memories. When it is taking all of her emotional energy to inhale & exhale, dealing with the realities of a MR could be seen as too much to undertake. It is easier and feels better to get lost in a fantasy relationship.

Let me ask a few questions about your MR before she started texting and gaming with OM. Which one of you were the main caretaker of the relationship? Who had the final say whenever a decision was made? Would you say she respected you as a man and as her H? By that, I mean whenever in front of friends/family, or out in public......did she ever speak a little disrespectful, make fun of you, put you down, roll her eyes, give heavy sighs, speak unkindly about you, fuss at you, etc? Was she used to having her way, throw fits, give the silent treatment.....and things along that line? Did you feel that you were trying to make her happy, in order to have peace? (I am trying to get a better picture of her, before she started this EA).

What were you like in the relationship with her? Are you the quiet, laid-back, nice guy that everyone likes? Did you enjoy spoiling her, or was it a chore to adjust around her mood swings? Did either of you use bullying type behavior? Would you yell, curse, or threaten her? What would she say about how you acted during one of the fights? What would she say is the worst side of you, and would she be correct?

Lots of questions, and maybe you don't see the point of answering them.....and that's okay. However, it would help us have a bigger view into the relationship.

Keep posting and stick with us.

Thanks Sandi. I would say W was the caretaker of the relationship. I was one of the guys Michelle speaks of that thought all was fine. Looking back on it now and after reading up on relationships and such I can see where I didnt give her the emotional support she wanted/needed.
She respected me early on in the marriage. As time went on I just tried to keep the peace.(Bury my head). I can see where she would lose respect.
She never spoke disrespectful of me in front of others.
I guess you could say I was always the nice guy type.
Kind of put her on a pedestal early on in the MR. The last few years there was some yelling. One of her complaints other than me not listening was the way I would react from emotions rather than reply with logic.(quickly learned through A.A that this is a trait of an alcoholic). Would react with anger at times even when there wasn't a need to be angry.
She would probably say the worst side of me was how I would react with emotion rather than listen and respond. Also I can see now how me being so passive would have been quite unattractive.
I felt that she always had to have the final say when it came to the kids. I feel she undermined me when I punished or grounded the kids. Thanks everyone.

The last cou

[Moose42]

Another bad side of me was when I was drinking I would miss work and we would get behind on bills. She did all the bills and banking and it would stress her out.

[sandi2]

How many years was she single, raising her kids?

Does she appear to resent her D and grandson living with you?

[Moose42]

How many years was she single, raising her kids?

Does she appear to resent her D and grandson living with you?

Hello Sandi. She wasn't single long. We were seeing each other when her divorce was finalized. She had zero help raising the kids in her first marriage. She don't resent that D and baby are with me at all.