Hello all. There is double meaning on the title of my post. One may be obvious. The other is I’ll be 80 in 2049 and I love the quote by Tyrion Lannister in GoT when asked how he’d like to die: “In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girls mouth around my ….” well, doodler can fill you in on the rest.
I’m posting because there are times I’d love your valuable input on dealing with my XW. I have a friend who claims XW drags me around by the shorthairs of my b@lls, but I think that is overly critical. As they arise, I’ll certainly post for feedback.
There are 4 kids involved ranging in age from 16 to 10, so I’ll be dealing with her with things for a while. <sigh>
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hi. You are all truly inspirations and to wish you happy holidays and if it fits, a merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, too, 2049. Hope it goes well.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm posting by my X is getting serious with someone, a guy that I think just left his wife for her, and I have to admit I'm affected. I want to believe it is all because he's now around my 4 kids, but it is a little more. My IC says there's no way you have a 20 year marriage end without being affected and not to beat myself up over it.
I knew it would happen eventually, and I don't want to go back. It's just a bridge I guess I have to cross.
believe it is all because he's now around my 4 kids,
Did you have any language in your divorce discussing paramours?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
There is nothing in the decree around other people around our kids on either side.
And I wouldn't want to restrict things on either side. I more wanted to get it out, admit it to myself, and see how others have dealt with the new person.
And how they dealt with the kids about it. I've told the kids that there is no reason to avoid talking about anything (I was very vague but the older ones got it) to think that'll hurt me. And that there were no secrets at my house. But something still seems amiss with the them.
There is nothing in the decree around other people around our kids on either side.
I see. There is a specific reason I had it put in ours. Especially there is to be no overnights with the children there. Of course that changes upon marriage.
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And I wouldn't want to restrict things on either side. I more wanted to get it out, admit it to myself, and see how others have dealt with the new person.
Its not a restriction on any level. Its more a protection thing. Kids shouldn't be thrown in the middle of it all.
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But something still seems amiss with the them.
Interesting. And if I were in your shoes, concerning.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's interesting you got that put in the decree. I never thought of it and the lawyer never mentioned anything. I've looked at the sex offender database and don't see anything there, so there's that at least...
I am concerned with the kids. I've built a great relationship with them and I think they'd talk to me if something was bothering them. It could be them just being teenagers or pre-teens and me over analyzing.
The other part that is annoying is that I'm still on the mortgage for the house. It was in the decree that she had 6 months to refinance and it has been 6 months. She's claiming that in our state, you can't refi a cash out mortgage, (and it is. Was meant to do home improvements, but ended up paying for the divorce) and she's struggling to find a solution. I don't feel like continuing this if she has a guy practically living there, but I don't want to put the kids in a bad situation either by forcing the sale of the house.
Ugh! Unfortunately I don't know your state's laws or the decree's wording, etc.
I believe at least a call to your L is appropriate, just to check "what happens if X...?"
bearing in mind that you don't want your kids to be homeless. Don't let that paralyzed you from knowing the answer.
As for the kids and something being "amiss", well, even if the OM is an alright guy, of course your kids will be uncomfortable with him for awhile.
They may have retained hope for a recon, (which is not eliminated by this, but they don't know that)
and or they may wonder how you feel, or they may not have warmed up to him yet.
I think that your former spouse being with another person is always a challenge.
Is your D final yet?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yes, my D was finalized in August and there was a 6 month clause for refi. I talked to my lawyer and she said I could wait 1-2 years before taking action.
She's claiming that in our state, you can't refi a cash out mortgage, (and it is. Was meant to do home improvements, but ended up paying for the divorce)
This doesn't make any sense at all, UNLESS more is owed on the house than it is worth?
Talk to the mortgage broker at your bank, they should be happy to give you the straight poop.
