To briefly recap: 10/27/16 EA/PA suspected 11/3/16 was BD. EA confirmed 11/11/16 PA confirmed 11/13/16 W said she wanted a D and for me to move out ASAP so OW could move in. 11/19/16 I moved out I found out she was going to get served with custody papers from my SS's dad so I wanted to protect myself financially before s*** hit the fan and I decided to file. The custody suit could affect her financially and I don't want her to go back on what we agreed to as far as division of assets/debts. 12/14/16 I filed for D.
Saw SS lat night and he is really having a difficult time with it all. He shared with me that he feels ignored by his mom. He said ever since OW has come around he feels like his mom has just forgotten about him. It breaks my heart; she was always a good mom before. OW has completely moved in and he says it just doesn't feel right to him and he hates going over there. I try to comfort him and his dad and stepmom do the same to let him know he's loved, and I tried to assure him that his mom still very much so loves him and she doesn't realize she's hurting him. Hard to explain to a kid that their parent is in fog that makes them make less than great decisions and it certainly doesn't make how she's acting okay. Totally breaks my heart for him. I'm going to see him Christmas Eve when he opens presents so I'm thankful I get to be a part of that.
I am having some extreme anxiety about seeing my STBXW today, but hey, that's what Xanax are for right? I'm actually worried she might bring her gf to the attorney's office, or worse, to the court date. I think I will let her know that if she has any desire to show up to court then she needs to do so alone or don't go. I really wouldn't put it past her to bring her though.
I will update this evening after I get home from our meeting.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
fightin, glad to see you're looking out for you. often times you see (myself included) we continue to look out for everyone but ourselves in the beginning of the sitch. It takes us a while but it seems like you got it down.
I did great, thank you xanax! My STBXW on the other hand seemed rather irritated the entire time and even got mad that while we were reading through the paperwork my phone went off several times with messages. Not sure why she cared honestly, we had both already read through it once, she was just skimming it again, but she said in a hateful tone "Gosh dang, you're an important person now huh?". I just ignored her comment.
I honestly felt so relieved and empowered that I had filed and we both have now signed off on it. She won't be showing up to court and I told her that was perfectly fine with me. Of course I still love her, but if she has no interest in being my wife then I am willing to move without her. If she changes her mind at some point then hopefully I'll still be willing to reconcile at that point.
I know I can't mind read, but part of me wonders if she's so irritated right now bcecuase I have completely cut her out of my life. I don't need her to see my SS and I've made it clear I don't want to be friends either. I guess it doesn't matter, but overall I feel good about having some closure so I can start to truly let go and move forward. It wasn't what I wanted, but I'm definitely looking forward to new beginngs and my continued work on myself.
I get to see my SS on Christmas Eve and I'll be at his dad's when my STBXW drops him off so we shall see how that goes. Hopefully she doesn't make a scene.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
So the X gave me a bunch of stuff yesterday when we met. I assumed it was a single bag and as I was waiting on the attorney to refund my card as they over charged me for my half I just popped the trunk and let her load it all. When I got home 2 hours later and popped the trunk to unload it was packed! I had told her repeatedly that if I had left anything that I haven't specifically asked her for then she can keep it, toss it, sell it, or give it away so I'm not sure why she felt so compelled to give me so much stuff.
I had also asked her to take it to SS's dad's house 2 weeks ago and she said she would, but never did. Maybe because it was so much stuff, maybe because she wanted to do it f2f, who knows. Some of the things she returned are mind boggling though. A magnifying glass that I don't even remember having, a thing for the kitchen sink to hold sponges that I had bought but it turned out to not work very well, and a t-shirt that was actually hers.
Not sure why I need a magnifying glass, but who knows, it could come in handy, but why give me the useless sponge holder? As for the shirt: We both had the exact same shirt and I had ordered them as she said she wanted one too, but when it arrived she didn't like the color so she never wore hers. She knows I have one just like it, why would I want her shirt too? (the shirt is about love). Oh and a tie that I had bought once before we got married, but we were thinking about doing a civil union ceremony but decided last minute we'd just wait and go somewhere to get married. (I ended up not wearing the tie) She kept all the other ties though, many of which I had bought.
She could have tossed most of the stuff without worrying if it was something I'd miss. Cups, a sifter, Tupperware, coffee filters (my coffee maker broke and I now have a french press, don't need filters). I can't mind read I know, but I can't help but think that not only did she no longer want these reminder of me around, but she wanted me to know that she didn't want them around and hence why she gave them to me rather than just tossing them out. Just to clarify too, this doesn't give me hope, I'm now beyond hope based on hints and mind games. If she were to make dramatic changes and say in no uncertain terms she still wanted a M with me, I'd consider it, but otherwise that door is closed. That said, it does make me curious as to what on earth is going on in that mind of hers.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I am glad that you did great yesterday!!! :-) You will never know what is going on in their minds...they probably don't even know and it changes from moment to moment. My STBX came to get some things from the house last week and she didn't even get what she said she was going to? They are just all over the place and we just have to keep up what we are doing for ourselves and let them on their own journey. Maybe they will figure out what they are doing is wrong, maybe they won't, but don't waste your time mind reading...I don't think you are I'm just saying! :-)
Hope you have a great weekend!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Fightin, I don't post here in newcomers much, but Ive been following along. You're doing well.
Yep, pay no mind to what she packed. My stbx packed junk, pure junk, and gave it to me as it was "mine." We were separated almost a year when he gave me my stuff and not only did it include open food items- cereal, oatmeal, and coffee.... But he also gave me the wedding cards we saved. Just awesome.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Just popping in to let you know you're doing great. Your strength and boundaries are truly respectable. Good advocating for yourself. It's ok to wonder about the random things she gave back to you. But at this point, you gotta laugh a little about the sh*t that must be firing in her head, that whatever message she's trying to send is neither clear nor effective (nor meaningful).
