Another WW

[Jug]

Your boundaries are your own and I agree with them. I had all kinds of ideas for how your son could be allowed to go to that house but you'll have to use your imagination...

What are your plans for separation?

[Last79]

She doesn't have a job and we can't afford two places. I am going to ask her to move out and go live with her parents. I am thinking of doing the same and we can keep the kids in the house and switch every week. That's the plan in my head. I really have no clue what she is thinking. You would think if she was so miserable she would have been planning things but I know she hasn't. She might just want to get a divorce right away cause she only cares about herself and she knows she would get money from me, but we definately would have to sell our current house cause I couldn't afford that and afford her with no job.

[Jug]

Lots of similar situations out there. Talk to a L and don't leave your house.

[Last79]

Happy New Year everyone. I just got all the kids to sleep and we had a great night watching movies together. Wouldn't want to spend it any other way. The WW had no interaction with us tonight and spent the entire night upstairs in her room and was sleeping by 9. So sad, she is the one missing out on things. It's just so bizarre to me that anyone would act like that.
She did go out last night and before she left I said I hope you are thinking about what you want to do next because we need to talk next week and move forward with something cause I am not living like this anymore. I am not sure she was out with the OM , I just always assume at this point.

[Last79]

Well I finally had a conversation with the WW. Wasn't always calm and collective, so I didn't really do myself any favors. I forgot to validate her feelings, but don't think it matters. She said she doesn't like me anymore, I don't talk to her or support her and we are finished. I then said things like she was selfish and she never tried to save this marriage for us or the kids and if she can live with that let's move forward. She tried to validate her affair saying our marriage was over before the affair happened. I tried to turn it to her and tell her to make a plan and see what she wants to do since she doesn't have a job and we cannot afford to keep our life style. Of course she doesn't have one but after talking said we would move out and leave the kids in their home and swap weeks until she gets a job and can afford to move out.
I am ok with this, cause she isn't really present here when she is physically here anyway. She says she can't be around me so that's why she always hides out. I just am sick though thinking of telling the kids. I feel like I have failed them. And even though I hate my WW, I still love her and still dream of the idea of trying to work things out. I am starting to feel like the crazy one around here.
I feel like I am ok with leaving her, I just am not over the loss of a family and never having those together moments together, and missed opportunities with the kids in the future.

[Last79]

Do I need to bring up setting boundaries of seeing other people while separated? She obviously is talking to someone, but said they don't do anything anymore. I feel like if I am separated while I love her, I miss being with someone who loves me back and would love to go out with someone or hookup. I know that's probably not appropriate but we all have our needs. Just not sure if I should bring it up. I am pretty sure our marriage is over, as she told me that yesterday and today she said she doesn't ever think she was in love with me. That's always great to hear but at least she is telling me something.

[PatientMan]

You want to "hook-up" with someone while you are still married because you miss being with your wife who used to "love you back"?

I am not trying to give you my own moral compass, I just want you to use your own. Do what YOU think is right, honorable, kind, patient, compassionate, loving, and is a model of good behavior for all (especially your children).

-PM

[PacLove]

Not a good idea... not only does it complicate things it doesn't feel good and doesn't justify what she is doing. My W at one point was encouraging me to "go out and date" to which I responded thanks but not really interested.

I tried it for a bit - and regret it as my W now wants to work on us. BTW most women aren't interested in someone not fully divorced anyways as they know the baggage you are carrying.

[Last79]

Your right, it's wrong and I need to keep my own boundaries and morals in check.

[MrBond]

Did you ever read DB or DR?