No you weren't naive, you were in love and believed that his love was strong enough for you to take a different path. Like someone wise here told me a leopard can't change his spots.
How do I know that? I saw H behaving nastily towards his ex- partner, and I thought that with me (because I was the complete opposite of her) it would never happened. Guess what I'm getting the same treatment as his ex, and you know what I realise that he is the ONE with issues not me.
I know it hurts because you would have never in a million year thought that this would happen, the problem is him not you. Keep going forward.
I'm having a really rough day and have been browsing all the threads for most of the day to try and stay grounded. I believe you and I see it.... He's the one with the issues. This isn't about me. Unfortunately, he is hel! bent on making everyone believe this is all my doing. I even believe it at times. I've never (to my recollection) been on the other side of someone projecting such ugliness and hatred on to me. It's very convincing... And yet it isn't. I've said it before and I'll say it again... It's absolutely crazy making. I know I wasn't the perfect wife, but as another poster said "the punishment doesn't fit the crime."
So, I'm still crawling forward inch by inch and I'm tired. I've never run from my problems before, but for the first time ever I want to. I just want to start over- job, house, etc. I can't wait to put this behind me and yet, like I mentioned before, I'm not even near the summit. Still so much more to climb and I don't have the energy.
I have to gather some more documents for my L as part of stbx demand for production. He has the documents I need and I don't want to ask him... I'll have my lawyer request it for me tomorrow. He is also requiring me to supply documents from before we were married and I have no flipping idea on where to find them (I've moved 5 times during our m and the separation and I have no idea where they could be). This is adding stress, too. Between this and all the end of year stuff at work, I just don't have it in me.
Honestly, what I really want right now is to pretend my problems don't exist and go escape to a cabin somewhere with a big strong man and just take naps on his chest in front of a fire. That's no solution, but it sure would be a nice distraction. Ahhhh a girl can dream, right?
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Sounds like you just need some down time -rest and self care
The D process can be exhausting
Just listen to yourself and get the rest you need -sleep more tonight and for the next few days if needed and you will gather the energy needed to finish the climb
hang in
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi Pax, I can recall the disclosures stage and it was a grind. For me, some procrastination crept in and then the paperwork hung over me like a nasty assignment needing to be done.
In the end, I made myself finish it off in hour long chunks and that's what go me through.
Also, having nice things planned for yourself helps it not become all consuming - and rest and recharge when you need to.
Remember, his anger is his to own....
Xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I need to keep reminding myself of this- his anger is his to own, his anger is his to own.... Repeat repeat repeat.
You are right peace, I need to do a better job of scheduling myself so I get extra sleep.
Did ok today. Yesterday I lost it and sobbed smack dab in the middle of Sunday dinner with the fam and extended fam. Im so stressed about finances right now. Thinking I'm going to have to sell my car because the payments are too high... But I owe more than what the car is worth. What stings the most is h made me get this car and he had me put it in my name only because he was dumping assets. Stupid stupid stupid girl.
I had the car one month before ILYBINILWY....Now I'm stuck with it for now(granted its nice) but I can't afford it... Not with all the other financial mess going on. Have i mentioned divorce is the worst thing ever!!! I will say, with each passing day, I'm actually grateful that I'm not married to that monster.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
It is very stressful dealing with it all I too was so concerned with my finances back then and with 2 kids to raise alone but somehow it all works out. try to sense a good outcome if possible as long as you have your health, everything else will fall into place eventually Keep taking the high road and you will be taken care of doors will open,,new opportunities and people just hang in there
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Foremost YOU matter first. Look after you and kids. If the papers haven't got a set deadline, do it when you have time. Your health is more important than anything else.
I now believe that everything falls into place. All of this is emotionally draining but as all the vets said here, you will come out as a better person in the end.
Stbx sent an email to my L. He was calm and collected and level headed. Which makes it hurt even more. He graciously stated that it is my fault that he was no longer in love with me and he has done everything possible to take the sting out of this. He is so hurt that he feels that way as it was never his intention... And He feels now that I'm being spiteful.
It's such a gracious email that (again) I believe him. Am I going crazy? Is this a trick?
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Spiteful? Where did I hear that? Oh, yes - my h calls me that on regular basis. Or he did when we still had r talks which I no longer let myself get into.
And the rest - my fault, he tried his best etc. - heard that too. I think it's for them to reassure themselves that they are doing the right thing. Many times I wanted to ask who he is trying to persuade about it. Me or himself. But never asked - proud of myself,
Pax, don't make much out of that e-mail. Do not let it affect you. If anything, I'd find it rather manipulative of him...
I agree w/Bee on this. He is being manipulative and trying to make himself look like the good guy here. It's all about him and how he wants to look to your lawyer. He is trying to get the lawyer to question you and your motives and hopefully get you to change your mind on whatever it is your h wants. Many of them say these things to look better and no, you do not buy into his gibberish.
Don't believe a word that is coming out of his mouth. He is not the man you married and, trust me, he is not your friend, nor does he actually care what he does to you right now. This is business and you need to put your heart aside and use your head to get go for what you are entitled to in the way of assets, support, etc.
Don't allow this man to work his BS on you. Let that email go to the trash folder and don't give it a second thought. He's doing exactly what a crooked business partner would do...lie through his teeth and try to take you to the cleaners all in the same breath. Fight for what you are entitled to. Nothing less will do.
