Blueboy rebuilding life one step at a time.

[RBG80]

This is just crushing my friend.

Yes you have a chance at reconciliation and I would kill for that, but you've been put through too much and deserve so much more!!!

I suppose the question you need to ask yourself is do you feel that she has been honest with you since the last bomb?.. She's lying to you to try and minimize the impact of the devastation (which is still a selfish act), but is she doing this because she is 100% committed the the M (albeit too late).

I get that trust would be hugely difficult, but not impossible. Thats only something that you can decide! If it were me, I think I'd walk and build a new life with someone who does respect you and care for you.

Remember that you are worth more than this BlueBoy.

Chin up my friend

[blueboy]

But I feel so low and destroyed by what happened, I just feel like giving up

It's normal to feel that way, even though we don't want to and try our best to figure out a way to climb out of that pit. You are doing the right thing, my friend, by coming here. This place has some of the best people who are willing to go above and beyond to help.

When I was snooping after my ex's almost year long PA went public, I found other evidence dating back to 2010. Note that we were married in 2008. Two other EAs - not sure if they went PA, but they could have when she traveled for work - with ex bf's. Nothing like coming across an old phone and finding messages/VMs that weren't erased. I didn't even bother confronting because I thought "what's the point?"

It's been almost 2 years since the BD was dropped and 1 year since I got proof of the PA - which, coincidentally, started BEFORE the BD. What has helped me? Time. And my kids. That's it. If you don't already have one, see an IC. I did - one who was our MC - and it helped me tremendously.

People talk on here of GAL - which seems like the furthest thing from your mind now, but trust me - it works. As hard as it is, it works.

Are you still together and R'd or separated?

[blueboy]

RGB80- I think she is fully committed, but the lies are causing more damage then anything else!

I not sure, that's there just to much damage!

[blueboy]

blueboy- My heart breaks for you. This is so unfair on you. To be honest, I don't know how you found the strength to continue on for so long. How have you found the strength so far? Is it because of your children?

She has no respect for you. Cheating on you with multiple partners, your marriage vows meant nothing to her. I'm sure there is a lot more that you don't know about either. Having lied to you so much, how can you trust that's she's being honest with you now? She's not even being honest about what happened in these affairs. How can you ever trust her again?

I think you are brave and have a good heart, but you deserve respect. At the very least, this is a total lack of respect for you, your children, and your marriage.

I really hope you can find some peace in your heart that will help you decide which direction to take. Life is too short and precious to waste it on people who hurt you. Focus on your happiness and the happiness of your children and perhaps you will find the courage to move forward, whichever step you decide to take.

We're here with you.

My strength has come from having 3 children and a shared History of 21 years, she was 15 and I was 19 when we met, we have had general a good life together!

When I decided to R, I only know about one OM who she has an 8 week affair with, she left me for 6 weeks and I took her back. 2 months later I found out about OM2 & OM3

[Cristy]

Hello Blueboy,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

You are so smart to recognize that your kids and your history are worth fighting for. That doesn't minimize the hurt and skepticism when you discover more details. Healing from infidelity is hard and you need a map to help you rebuild trust.

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Bippy78]

I would definitely recommend talking to someone. I will tell you this - my XW fully apologized for an affair, and I had a very difficult time letting it go. Mostly because although she kept her pants on, she never really changed her overall behavior.

It'll be agony if you're stuck in between like I was for 18 months; so take it from someone who's been there, either LET IT GO and forgive even if you need professional help to do so, or you move on if you can't. But don't stay somewhere in between.

[blueboy]

I would definitely recommend talking to someone. I will tell you this - my XW fully apologized for an affair, and I had a very difficult time letting it go. Mostly because although she kept her pants on, she never really changed her overall behavior.

It'll be agony if you're stuck in between like I was for 18 months; so take it from someone who's been there, either LET IT GO and forgive even if you need professional help to do so, or you move on if you can't. But don't stay somewhere in between.

Thanks Bippy78

I am talk to IC and family, 1 PA I think, that I could move on from 3 PA's is just so much damage, ethier way I need to let go!

[InLikeFlynn]

Did she agree to take the polygraph?

[blueboy]

Did she agree to take the polygraph?

Yes and no, I drop it as i'm not sure it will make any difference.


Feel like I'm done and ready to move on.