It was a hard day. Saw my mom's body and she didn't look like herself at all. Spent a lot of my night packing up her apartment. Still lots more work to do.
But....
I met a friend for coffee and reached out for support. I saw my therapist who commented that even in my grief, I look happy. And I do. I feel happy. I don't want my WS back. Don't know if that means I fit here on this site. It's about me now
Yesterday was such a hard day. I had to make all the service choices and choose the urn. All things I should have had my WS with me to do but I did them alone. Life feels so heavy right now.
It hasn't been a great day for he and I. He has been especially cruel. Brought Dd back wary from visitation because he had "plans". Was late picking her up. I have one more day to get my mom's apartment cleaned out so I needed him not to be a jerk today. Called me names. The usual. I can't think of a person to call to help me right now and I am so tired.
Expect him to be a jerk, that way you won't be disappointed. You are doing a great in a hard situation. Cry, be sad, accept the bad emotions as well as the good. You are allowed to feel them. Wish I can offer more support...
Me: 33 H: 32 T: 10 years M: 2 BD: Aug 2016 H moved out Aug 20, 2016 S: 17 months old
Tomorrow is my mom's furneral. WS wants to attend but I really wish he wouldn't. Sounds mean, I know but he has been nothing but a jerk for the past week. Verbally abusive. I know the signs. He is doing something that he feels guilty for and has to villainize me in order to justify it. It's made it hard though because I have planned my mom's funeral and emptied her apartment alone. He sort of reached out today and sent me a picture of what he was doing at work but I just didn't have the urge to respond. I don't want him anymore.
Trying really hard for self care this week because I am overwhelmed.
Hey Molly, you are going through the worst at the worst possible time of your life. Do what you can to get help from family and friends and try to rely less on WS (which you already know).
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
I would definitely post your thoughts and hurt. I probably should've given up DBing the XW a year before I did, but I'm pretty sure DBing turned my life completely around - just the GAL, the going dark, it saved me from the most chaotic hateful horrible XW, and helped me find the man inside she had beaten down.
I buried my sweet grandfather AND grandmother during this time, so I have an inkling how you feel and almost 5 years later, I'm so glad I stayed DBing until I was mostly healed.
