OK, so I'm not exactly a new comer, but I haven't been here for a year. Long story short, H started affair last summer with a coworker, and I kicked him out about an year ago. He had been living with her since. We have two toddlers and I had been pretty much a single mom for the past year. Last week we had child support order established and H told me he has filed for D and wanted to give me papers, even though H and AP were on the verge of breakup. Well, he did give me papers yesterday after a family gathering (with H's family, H's family has been nice to me and on my side since they don't agree what he has done) It's not that I didn't expect this to happen now that we had been separated for a year, but the papers made it so final, I broke down really bad. H kept saying he is not a good person and he can't change and that's why he filed.
Now today, right now, he showed up at my work and told me it's over with AP and he wanted to be a father again. ?!?! He has all his belongings and our dog in the car and wanted to go home. I said "you can't just move back in just because she broke up with you. You just gave me papers last night" Last week he was telling me he would move out of her place and live with their mutual friend, so I told him to go to her place, not my house, but he insisted that he would not want to have anything to do with her and her friends anymore. Since I was in the middle of work, and he needed to go to work, I told him he can drop off the dog at our house, but he can't just come home. I told him I don't know him anymore and I don't believe anything he says. I was dreaming of this day but I am not happy. I told him we would talk after we get off work but I am not sure what?
I know he still misses me, and we have always been friendly most of the time despite of the situations.But he can't just come home just because she broke it off and he has nowhere to go. A part of me would be happy if we can pierce things together and of course for kids' sake, that would be the best. But I know it is not going to be easy, and I am scared to have expectations. I know he didn't come back because he wanted to be with me. To me, he seemed like he just made up his mind to live this life again because he has no choice. I told him he would find somebody else again, if not her, of course he said he is done doing that. H has a lot of issues like depression and alcohol himself. He has been trying to do counseling and programs, but not so much success so far.
So my question is, what to do now? Where do we start? I honestly don't know if we should try. Are we just going to hurt each other more? I know I was dreaming about this, but now I don't know what to do. What do I say to him???
He needs to get his own place and seek therapy. I would say wait a year before you make a decision. Yes, you're right - he says he wants to be a father, not a husband. That's a red flag to me.
He has some work to do to take responsibility for his own life.
I know what you mean about having dreamt about this day. You just can't turn back the clock.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
