I can see where this validates her accusation of you being controlling. You are even controlling her and how she leaves you.
The affection, praying together, etc is a far cry from giving her space as she requested or detaching as you need to be doing.
I advise you really do a 180 immediately and began detaching before you continue to make things more difficult
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I'm fairly new to this right now but from a person who has just started to feel better.
Whatever you think is right.... don't do it. Get the DR book and read it. No contact will help you alot.
Start to concentrate on yourself and not us. She is only focusing on herself as unfair as that is, so it's time to focus on yourself. Spend as much time with your friends and kids. Get out of your house as much as possible. Speak to a therapist or counsellor.
She is not on your team. There is no team right now. Begin to accept this is you now. This is the new you for now.
M:33 W:31 T:16 M:8 D:6 BD1: Aug 2 16 BD2: Sept 4 16 EA/PA confirmed W Moved out: Oct 7 16 Currently seperated- her choice
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Why would you go on a F date? Find other ways to build your self esteem (exercise, work, GAL etc)and vent here. There is no upside and a lot of downside to bringing another person into this dynamic.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Sorry you are here but it is a good place for you to be given your current situation. First, I want to tell you that I think there is hope for your sitch. I know you feel like all hope is lost but the DB process is an amazing process and it DOES work. You can turn this around. That being said, it will be a long process and it will be a lot of work. If you are successful though, you could end up with a much better M than you've had before. Its clear you have plenty of your own issues. If your W says you are controlling, then you probably are. Go to work on those issues. Dont do them to win your W back. Do them because you want to be a better person in ALL your relationships. It sounds like your W has plenty of her own issues but she will have to work on those on her own. You can't fix those. Detach, 180 and GAL. It sounds like you are off to a good start but do NOT go on a date with another woman. That's absolutely insane if you want to save your M. Do not turn your kids against your W. Encourage them to interact with her. Its ok for them to express their feelings to her. Stop the kissing and massaging. She needs to see that she is losing you. She needs to see that you are making some serious changes in your life to become a better man and that she will be missing that if she chooses to continue down this path. But your changes have to be genuine. If they aren't.....if you are only doing them to try and win her back......she will see right through that. You don't have to agree with D and its ok to tell her that. Tell her that you don't want a D and that you want to make the M work but that you understand that she has to make decisions based on what she feels is best for her. In this way, you are telling her how you feel but you are allowing her the space to do what she wants (not controlling her). Anything you do right now that comes across as controlling will only set you back and impair your ability to heal your M. Turn your attention to making yourself a better person and let her be free to choose her own path. If you make genuine changes to become a better person, she will eventually see the work you are doing. She will become interested again. Become the man that only a fool would leave.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
So now 4 months into separation house sold and we are living in different places I find out thru my oldest daughter that She is seeing someone I confront Her and she admits she is going out with this Guy and that she spend the night with Him she claims that this had nothing to do with the separation and that there has been no intimacy,There has been no contact other than for the kids since (3 weeks ago)I am lost I really think I lost her forever, I just wanted to vent out with you Guys, this Has been a second blow I am devastated I can eat, I cant sleep, I only have nightmares with this Guys and my wife in bed, Guys please help.
