I guess I'm consumed by this. It's all I think about.
Thats why I recommended to go out and do some new stuff and meet some new people. You need to get yourself right before theres a chance of this turning around.
Nobody reconciles with "Sad Dad".
Thats why we keep saying to take the focus off of what shes doing. It doesnt matter so much for what you need to do.
The thing ab the A is right now WAW and BF are blaming all of their problems on me and his ex. It seems like it's pushing them together. If/when does that stop? It's like they're kindred spirits at the moment. I know I need to focus more on me right now but it's hard with all of this going on right under my nose.
Hey. I just caught up on your story and I am sorry to find you here.
As far as the blaming... there's nothing you can do about it. My XW blames me for everything that could possibly be going wrong in her life whether I'm the problem or not. It used to just grate on my soul.
The thing that helped me is really looking within myself and identifying the things I was to blame for. EX: I wasn't emotionally available enough, etc. And accept blame for those things and those things only and then WORK ON THEM. Not for her but for me. And I learned to ignore all the other crap she tried to blame on me, let it roll right off my back.
You're getting some great advice here. Keep at it. Focus on you. GAL, meet some new people, find new hobbies.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
The thing ab the A is right now WAW and BF are blaming all of their problems on me and his ex.
Yeah. It's a heck of a lot easier to blame your problems on someone else than to look inwards.
Originally Posted By: Sad_Dad
It seems like it's pushing them together.
For now, probably. So how does causing more grief to your W help with that?
Originally Posted By: Sad_Dad
If/when does that stop?
Unfortunately, the best answer I can give you is "when it stops".
Basically, my best advice is to back as far off from W as possible. That will give her nothing to complain about. Whats she going to say to OM: "Ugh. My H isnt speaking to me right now. Why doesnt he want to do more stuff with me?"
Originally Posted By: Sad_Dad
I know I need to focus more on me right now but it's hard with all of this going on right under my nose.
Of course it's hard. Its not easy to take your focus off the person thats been the center of your life for many years. But thats wht you need to do. Make yourself and your kids the center of your life.
I don't think I'm causing her more grief. I'm just trying to distance myself from her. Trying to not be immediately available. I do know that drives her nuts.
Guys I still love her. I guess I'm consumed by this. It's all I think about.
That's why it's making you so miserable. For your own mental health you have to take a step back and detach. Refocus your thoughts onto other activities. Idle hands are your enemy right now. When you have nothing going on is when the negative thoughts creep in. This is why GAL activities are so important.
Do WW/WAW ever find long term happiness with the other man? Does it ever last?
Don't worry about it:) Concern yourself less with what her choices are/will be, and more on you and your kids. Easier said than done, I know. But what benefit do you have of predicting whether or not she will last with OM? How does that change your course?
