Title to be determined later .....

[AmyTx]

Thank you ciluzen:

I had not thought of it that way. I will just wait and see what happens. I have spoken to a lawyer in preparation for him filing.

And yes .. I do realize that I have issues as well. I really need to focus on myself, but my mind keeps going back to him. It is just too new. I still sleep on my side of the bed, I have not put in any clothes in his empty dresser, and his side of the sink / towel racks are still empty. I know I am in for the a long haul (if he ever returns) and I cannot seem to make any changes. The only thing I have done is taken down all his photos and put away anything about us as a couple.

[ciluzen]

I understand. When my H left and I was alone in the family home, I was the same. One day I was so miserable, I took down every picture of him from the walls. Then a few weeks later, and week by week, removed everything and anything that was his and placed it in a downstairs guest room. Still didn't use his side of the bed, his sink, etc. But we designed that house...so still little reminders everywhere.
I'm in my own apartment now. Nothing is "his". It takes time to feel better, and sometimes a big jump or two. Make your own space; be your own you. Trust in the changes you make, the pain you move on from. Maybe he'll see the changes and put 2 and 2 together that change can happen. Maybe not. But the idea is to change to find yourself; for you...it will help you to find your happiness.

You really do have time. Use it.

[AndrewP]

Thank you ciluzen:

I had not thought of it that way. I will just wait and see what happens. I have spoken to a lawyer in preparation for him filing.

And yes .. I do realize that I have issues as well. I really need to focus on myself, but my mind keeps going back to him. It is just too new. I still sleep on my side of the bed, I have not put in any clothes in his empty dresser, and his side of the sink / towel racks are still empty. I know I am in for the a long haul (if he ever returns) and I cannot seem to make any changes. The only thing I have done is taken down all his photos and put away anything about us as a couple.

AmyTx - I know this struggle very well. When W moved out I started doing a purge of her stuff from the house packing it up in boxes in the front porch expecting her to pick them up the next day. That was 3 months ago and they are still there. I sobbed for 10 straight minutes when I took our wedding photo off of my desk.

But you know what - it got better. I've removed W's stuff from most of the rooms I use. I still have family pictures up on the wall and on the piano. The dressers that W used are still empty but I moved some of my clothes into her closet about a month ago. After about a month (I think) I put our wedding photo back on my desk and smiled.

She's not here. I'm not preserving the house as a shrine to her. She may never come back. But in my heart she's still my wife and part of my family. Along with our children we made this house a home.

The day-to-day parts of the house are "mine". The bathroom which I renovated to be used by 4 people is now set up for 1. Things in the kitchen are where they are handy for me which is largely where they've always been for the last 26 years. In the morning when I wake up on my side of the bed I still carefully fold the covers over only on "my" side. I do have to watch some bad habits I've formed like not bothering to close the bathroom doors (the cats sometimes watch and I feel like they "judge" - lol)

You'll make your home yours in your own way in time just like I have in mine. My advice to you though - don't rush it. It's part of the grieving process. Know that certain things will be surprisingly tough and they may well be little things. Even though I could have gone through the house in a few days and stripped it down I only did a bit at a time and stopped when I got too stressed out. I have a pretty big house and there's parts of it that I may never go through as long as I'm standing and that's fine too.

You're doing fine. The past is part of you and always will be. Treasure the happy bits.

[peacetoday]

Amy,

You are doing well
This takes a long time for us to adjust

It always made sense to me to stand especially in the beginning
because there was no where to go anyway

DB is a great program -It can help restore a M
or it can help us move on after time

This is something we have to go through also
When we get to the other side, we will know if we want to continue to stand or not
it seems to come to most of us after time

[Sotto]

Hi Amy, I didn't experience what you have as I moved out after BD. It must be hard having everything the same, but a big hole where your H was. I really think this is where GAL comes in - taking steps to rebuild your own life after his choice to leave. What that consists of is up to you - that could include redecorating the master bedroom or whatever you want to do really. What things are you doing just for you my friend?

I think the main thing is to look after your own needs and your own comfort. Give yourself what he isn't providing, and worry less about the possible impact on your M....

Take care :)xx

[SBJ]

Amy, like you I'm in Tx and my W is going thru this very fast. BD was in July and she is already filing. I'm lost as to what the next step is, but I am trying to focus on myself and realizing that my relationship with my kids is the most important thing to me at this point.

I miss the woman that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, but that woman is gone and it becomes more apparent every day. I hope that one day she and I can reconnect and spark a new relationship, but I have to put my faith in God as to the next step in my life. Keep the faith.

[AmyTx]

Decided to take a few days off the forum since my anniversary was Sunday. Yay -- 17 years of marriage.

Thanks for the tips ciluzen and AndrewP. I cannot beat my house payment and my daughter loves her school, so we will be staying where we are for awhile. Plus I have family near by that can help meet the bus and such. I want to move so bad, but that would be crazy. I let my H cover the crazy category.

Peacetoday and Sotto. I am definitely taking it one day at a time. I do see my self as stronger. And instead of being mad at my H for abandoning me -- I am trying to find the blessings. My daughter and I are growing closer and we are enjoying new habits / changes we are making for ourselves. Like picking up sushi for dinner or taking our evening walks.

SBJ -- I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation as well. Right now my H is working 5 days a week at his day job and weekends at a local festival. He is probably swamped and overwhelmed with all the attention he is receiving -- or our D would have already been filed as well. I am praying that he will forget or think it is too much trouble. I will start praying for you and your family as well.

I miss my H dreadfully. I miss the security and his companionship. I am hoping this is just a wobble on our life story, but trying to prepare myself if it is not.

[peacetoday]

Amy

I like that you and D are becoming closer

My xh left when my D was 11 and S was 5
Today she is 21 and a most amazing girl-off at college
We became close when he left and remain extremely close
My s now 15 is also very grounded
My kids have both adjusted and let go of their Dad-
They may have scars-but they are not acting out form them

Our kids learn from us even though one parent has left, I have experienced strong and brave kids as long as one parent remained available and present-

[AmyTx]

Thank you Peacetoday. That is my worry is that his actions will leave lasting hurt on her. He has canceled again today on her. So sad to see him doing this to her. He went from being a pretty good dad in June / July -- to texting a few times a week and seeing her a few hours every other week now.