Title to be determined later .....

[peacetoday]

Amy

Im sorry

I know how much it hurts..and there is nothing we can do except go through it
take care of yourself..you will be ok

If your H is anything like mine, he will look in many ways for happiness ,but will not be able to find it
He may get worse b4 he gets better

They are looking in the wrong direction and going back in time to redo what can't be redone-their adolescence

They can't move forward while going backwards, and it can't be stopped

WE on the other hand can move forward with every tear, every post, every therapy session-we move forward..one day it all passes and we can look back even grateful

there are no mistakes-

[AmyTx]

Thank you Peace. I am really trying but it is just hard.

Last night, I got several texts from mutual friends .. my H posted a sob story to his 1500 friends on social media that we were separated and now divorcing. I laugh bc a friend sent me a screen shot showing that he said -- they were alerting me because it seemed strange.

*it was a mutual decision made as adults.
*he does not want anyone to treat me (the lbs) any differently.
*This is the reason he has been so sad and upset the last few weeks.
*our daughter is his #1 priority
*and he loves all his friends

Followed by a post about being excited for his big plans he had that night. Yes .. he has been abducted by aliens and I feel more confident in my need to detach. Just add this to the crazy things MLC spouses say.

[job]

Amy,

I'm sorry you had to see that stuff...but that's typical of someone who has left. They want everyone to think it's a mutual decision to leave the marriage because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. If he can convince others of what he's said, then they won't look at him differently or question him as to why he's done it.

Of course, he doesn't want you to be treated any differently...why should you be? You've done nothing wrong.

Omg! He's the super duper Disney dad! No, his #1 priority is himself. He'll love all of his friends as long as they buy into his story. I think I hear the bug playing the violin w/tears rolling down his little cheeks.

Oh, yeah! He's got plans and he's happy as a clam in mud. Yes, he's in crisis for sure. Don't buy into anything he says and only believe half of what he does.

It's time for Amy to take are of Amy so that you can get well.

[Huddy]

Hi Amy

I tend to lurk around reading and only post if I feel I have anything to contribute.

So, that stuff on Facebook is sadly basic MLC script. My W did the same, but in person to all our neighbours. 'Mutual decision', 'we're going to be friends' etc. is, as job says, MLC bollox to make themselves feel better about what they are doing and negating the guilt.

I would have hoped, by now, you have been reading all the stuff that Cadet sent you in your 'welcome' post (I know there is a lot), but you are doing well and just try and not fall to pieces.

[HaWho]

Amy - of course he will spin it that way to make himself feel better. That's why I call FB: Fakebook. It always interests me that they re-write the history differently to different audiences.

As for him being excited about his plans, in his heyday of replay my h was practically giddy as he was going out! Picture a teenage girl preparing for prom. Several months later, that waned and he would look so miserable the next day. Guess he didn't find the solution to what ailed him.

Just keep taking care of you and your daughter. You are doing awesome!!

[AmyTx]

Yes I have read the homework .. but time to read it again. So much has happened and I feel brain dead.

I know this is stupid of me -- and I have read it here, on HS, and on HB -- there is no short cut. My H has to go through this and me being a stubborn fixer is not going to help, maybe make it worse.

I need to rely on the vets advice, but why can't I be the exception. I guess because there are no exceptions. I also keep thinking that maybe this is not MLC -- he told me before I found this forum that this is the man he wants to be. He is not playing a character -- he was pretending when he was with me.

I see the faults in our marriage, the mistakes I made, and even though it was not all that great I would take it back to have him. Isn't that sad of me to say? I just want the hurt to go away.

I know I need to fix me, face my fears, and come through my transition -- but I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of fighting by myself, worrying about our daughter, and I just need help.

[job]

Amy,
I'm so sorry you are hurting. You are still very new to this stuff and yes, what he's telling you about himself is crisis lingo.

I may be wrong, but I think you might be trying too hard. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it. You are grieving and that takes time. Try to remember that the tighter you hold the rope, the more he's going to tug and yank from the other side.

Take it one day at a time, no more than that. As you walk the path, it will become a bit easier. Are you in a support group of any kind? They may be a good avenue to look into. You need someone physically in your area to sit down and chat w/you.

I wish that I could give you a hug. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

[AmyTx]

Job -- I am a wimp and I hate this pain. BUT .. I understand and will try to cut myself some slack. Since it has happened -- I started working more hours, trying to compensate for my h being gone with my D, and researching MLC. I'm trying to fill any free moment I have because when I have free time I think about him.

My family has told me that I need to try harder for my daughter's sake and maybe I'm just trying to make the pain go away. I don't want my actions, my hurt to have a negative influence on her.

I found a group called divorcecare and have been attending that. Most of the people I'm the group are already divorced or have been separated for quite some time. They also do not recognize MLC at all. But I am getting good advice there. We watch a video, but there really is not any open discussion.

I appreciate the positive thoughts. Thank you!!

[Coly23]

Ugh, Facebook! No normal person would announce his ' conscious uncoupling' to the world like some celebrity unless he has some serious issues! You must see that this isn't your H!

Why did he make it such an important act to your seperation? Because it's all about him. If he was sensitive to YOUR feelings he would have asked you if it was ok and agreed on some suitable wording but instead he just told you what he was going to do.

I too keep asking why me. Why did I have the husband who ran out. Although I would never wish this on anyone I have four sisters and a two of them have got husbands who you would not be surprised if they did this but they have stayed in their marriages through thick and thin. It isn't fair!

I also looked through all the texts and emails prior to BD. The anniversary, birthday and Valentine cards all professing deep love and affection, saying how much he is looking forward to the future and how lucky he is to have me in his life. It really is confusing for us LBS.

You are doing the best they you can Amy. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to move forward too quickly. Do it in your own time as everyone says it is a marathon and not a sprint. Take care.

[AmyTx]

I just got the following text from my H when we were texting about financial stuff and the fact he will be filing soon.

"I have just moved on from us in my heart. I know I should have told you but I can't go back now and this is what I want. I failed and I will live with that and I am sorry that I hurt you."

Guess that answers my question about standing. I will no longer drag my feet and just proceed as he wishes.