The sun will rise for a new day

[ATPeace]

Sorry did not see the name at first and thought you were referring to fogg

I will look up the name lucky Luke and read his thread

I am off to my sisters for a few days taking my youngest with me the break will do me good

Next councillor session next week on Thursday

So finding time for myself how do people manage to fit it in ...might sound obvious I have four kids and they all demand my time it seems all I do is work or childcare and manage the home

So when I get back from Devon I am going to work on the above funding time for me

Thank you for being there for me

Ghost x

[PigPen]

Oh G, it seems like you're in the exact same spot when I checked in on you month ago! Still getting the same advice, being asked the same questions by vets and even new posters. Still spinning the same wheels, and stuck in the same mud. I hate to slap you around a bit but brother, [censored] or get off the pot! There's a whole world out there for you once you're willing to surrender and take that first step.

A wise man this year told me that nothing in the world changes - only you change. Once you change the world shifts to acclimate to the new you, not the other way around. You've got to let go G, do something radical - walk out yourself, start dating, get a new job, shave your head, get a full back tattoo, SOMETHING other than sit in the same misery. Hell brother, you've got Sandi at her wits end. I think your entire thread is a series of people giving you world class advice and you not taking it.

I wish you well my friend, I truly do. But know that you have to change before your sitch is going to. Not one second before.

PP

[ATPeace]

Hi well it has been a little while since I last posted and thought I would update

Trip to Devon went well I ended up talking to my sister about property and she showed me a house that is on the market with land it is an equestrian property and my eldest daughter would love it there.

In the past things have not been so good between my daughter and myself but when I told her that I had been looking at a house with stables and fields she said she would move with me if I purchased this property my eldest son is doing his exams so he would not move straight away but he said he would move once he has finished his exams.

My youngest son he is 12 and he said that he would like to live here with mummy and come and visit me lots and my wife said that she would have the toddler as I would be working during the days times (daughter could go to nursery and will soon be going to school)

So where I was looking for the house is about Two hundred miles away from where we currently live about a three or four hour drive my wife was not happy that it is so far and she once again made me feel like crap.

First she said to me why did I lie to her I said what did she mean ...she said when you were in Devon I said to you are you doing anything nice today and you said no ...when you were looking at the house....so because I did not tell her I was looking at a house this is me lying to her

Then she was crying because I am trying to split up the family really deviding them she knows I hate seeing her crying, she knows how to press my buttons.

So they say focus on me and my children I don't want just the big kids living with me I want to live as a family so I go to court and fight for the younger kids if I win and get the kids this would totally destroy her ...her kids are everything to her
She has said in the past that she would not want to live if I got the kids.

Has anyone split up and put two hundred miles of distance between you and your ex does this work I would have thought that over the pond when people split up they move from state to state .

I am still seeing a councillor still spinning but not as much it is baby steps for me

I understand so much more about relationships and just how fragile they are and that when you think you have control you really don't .

My mindset is shifting

Pigpen ....my friend thank you I need this sometimes

I am ok ...and I will be ok

Ghost

[sandi2]

Has anyone split up and put two hundred miles of distance between you and your ex does this work I would have thought that over the pond when people split up they move from state to state .

What do you mean, "does this work"? What are you referring to as "working"?

You went house hunting and took a step toward a future for you and the kids. Great job!

You do not need your W's approval. You are not her little boy. When women want a divorce, they aren't going to show the H approval. You showed courage by getting out of your spinning and made a positive action for yourself, and the family.

If she knows your buttons to push, stop reacting like you always did, and act as if it doesn't bother you. Don't watch her cry. You are not the one wanting to split the family. She is twisting the truth. She wants to keep things as they are. But that doesn't work well for you, b/c there is respect and love in the M.

[MoveFrwd]

[quote]You went house hunting and took a step toward a future for you and the kids. Great job!

That said, it seems clear you have no PLAN.

You went house hunting 200 miles away...so how are your kids going to commute? Are you thinking they are going to live with you 100%?

And then, why would you tell your KIDS you are looking at this house? And then why would you ask if they want to live there with you?

I think its great you went out and took some action. But the action was for you. It seems crazy to me to drag your kids into the middle of you looking at a place 200 miles away while you are in complete limbo.

[Ginger1]

I've got to concur with darkness here. You took your next step to an extreme. You went house hunting 3 hours away, told the kids, talked to the kids about moving in with you without speaking to their mother first?! I know she has broken the family up, but those are her kids too. You may not respect her as a W right now, but you need to respect her as their mother. Was what you did in the kid's best interest?

I agree, it's great you took some action. looking around within a reasonable radius where you can effectively share custody of the kids would have been a great step. Then you sit down with W when you come up with a reasonable and fair plan. Then you sit down with your kids.

I encourage the forward action, absolutely. I have been an advocate for you getting out of that house. But do it in a way that is beneficial to the kids:)

[Sotto]

I agree that it's good to see you exploring alternatives to the current sub-optimal situation - good for you.

However, is it really practical to live 200 miles away? XHXW1 decided to move 80 miles away after they D'd. She didn't consult with XH - just decided and told him very soon before the move. He was pretty upset and that's understandable. He went from being able to pick SS up from school and spend midweek time with him, to weekends and holidays only.

So, perhaps the equestrian dream is only affordable in Devon? Or perhaps there could be options closer to home - say within an hour away?

[mutatio]

We started here the same time G. It seems you are making progress, at a snails pace but progress none the same. You have to work through this as you see fit. I can say through my experience the shortest way to where you want to go may not be the direct path. Take the long way home. She does not want you hanging on her apron strings, pick up the torch and blaze a new path for you and your family. She may follow you there or not but you will find yourself in the process. The key to getting her back is you finding yourself. Be well

[Vanilla]

I would like to be fair to Ghost here.

The UK is one of the most expensive to live in the world.

Where the family home is very very expensive indeed.

To provide a family home of quality probably Ghost will need distance.

Just saying.

V

[ATPeace]

Hiya well I have been offline working through this and things are looking a little brighter I believe

My house is on the market I have seen a place I like in Devon it is 160miles away from where I currently live.

My two elder kids have both been up and have looked at the house and both want to make the move.

My eldest daughter has her horses and this house is made with this in mind so she absolutely loves the idea my eldest son he will,finish his exams and then he too wants to come and live with me.

My youngest son he wants to stay near to his friends and school and my three year old will stay with her mum

I drive for a job so me spending three hours or four hours in a car does not bother me I will see my other two kids every two or three weeks and I can face time them every day or so .

Not seeing them is going to be tough...very tough but I have to think of my older children and myself being in house and wanting to be with someone who does not want to be with you is sole destroying ..i thought over the last year I was doing more had changed but to be told she does not see it has seen no difference, I am never going to please her

So a serious question ..I have only really had the one relationship and I have been out to a few local meetups I have no problem talking to women I do it in my job and I have a woman that I have even spending quite a bit of time with and we clearly have a great friendship I know I will be ok when the time comes for making a new relationship ....it is still just hard letting go of what I had but I am making small steps

I will update but looks like a new life for me and my two older children in Devon is where I am heading and this fills me with excitement and sadness