Hi all, I think I'll split my time between here and Newcomers. I am officially piecing and we are doing pretty well. But there are still many questions I have.
My biggest task right now is to remember to be gentle and not fly off the handle when ow intrudes. She's not actually reaching out, but ow and W have meetings together (with several other people as well) and ow tries to sit with W and engage her that way. We all work at the same place. W says she doesn't take the bait, but I wonder...
Any day now there will be an announcement that ow will get the promotion to head all of Human Resources here. Makes me ill, but I have to just let it go. Easier said than done.
And then there's trust. Once we've been fooled, it's just so hard to trust our instincts again. I was completely hit out of the blue with EA bomb drop last November. So how do I know if she's telling the truth now?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
It's nice to see some activity over here on Piecing!
I don't have any great advice in the trust issue. It has to be hard, working with OW.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Awesome that you're posting here! keep on keeping on. Staying vigilant will be the hardest thing (yes, harder than DBing) but you'll do it together and thats what counts!
And then there's trust. Once we've been fooled, it's just so hard to trust our instincts again. I was completely hit out of the blue with EA bomb drop last November. So how do I know if she's telling the truth now?
You don't. And it is not your instinct that you don't trust, its your W.
Your instinct is fine...its your mind that is pushing hard on those instincts to be OVERLY vigilant.
I told my wife, that I would snoop, I would wonder, that she needed to understand this and be ok with that if we were going to move forward. That in time with her actions her assurance I would stop snooping and looking over time, it would become less and less until I trusted her again and I would eventually. That not telling me something because she thought I would get mad, I would see as a lie if I found out.
Trust but Verify.
No passwords, for either of us, she could look at my phone at any time just like I could look at hers. Transparency.
WE both KNEW that trust had to be rebuilt and she was willing to put herself out there in order for that to happen.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Oh and I couldn't get mad at her for the former OM trying to get in touch with her. She had no control over him attempting to reach out to her. Or the things he said to her. I could get mad if she reached back...but she didn't.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It's nice to see some activity over here on Piecing!
I don't have any great advice in the trust issue. It has to be hard, working with OW.
It is, and she just got named to a top position here. See my post on Newcomers. I'm not surprised, but it still bites.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Jack, I've pretty much said that to W. We do have access to each others' phones. But of course there's the work phone. I trust W more than I trust ow. She's evil.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Does anyone else out there work with the ow? I already saw her once today in my building -- she works in another building but is here a lot. It always just sets me back. W and i spent some time the other night when we couldn't sleep talking about all the things about ow that are negative. She's a real piece of work. It helped me I think? But I didn't like all the headspace she was getting with W. She's everywhere. Help?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I am so sorry. That has to. . . well, it would be censored if I said it.
Is there any chance of you and W getting jobs somewhere else, or is there tenure involved?
We don't have an A in our sitch, so I'm useless in terms of advice or BTDT.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
