WW Starting to talk again. Not sure if I want her.

[Cherry]

Wow, she's already had and spent £30K?! That's like my annual salary! As far as I'm aware and what my L has told me, that unless any pre-nup/agreement to say otherwise, she is entitled to 50% of everything. I was told that I need to bring forward any bank statements, assets ie property, even my pension! I'm hoping that as my wh and I are (sometimes, but not at the moment) on speaking terms that we can agree to just keep what we have individually, I have no desire to take half of everything of his, however if he is going to attempt this on me, I will have to protect myself!

I am unbelievably tired right now so I can't think to straight to give any great advise. I guess db-ing advises us to avoid r talks at any cost, but I guess if it is causing you some confusion, then it may be an opportunity. Just ask yourself a couple questions, are you in any kind of rush? And are you prepared in the instance that she then goes to file?

Stay strong amigo, you're doing good. And just a side note, a man who can cook is very attractive!

[Surfer]

Thanks Cherry. Not sure the whole 30k has gone in 4 months but I need to take control. I gether from her spew today she is pushing mediation now - her lovely cousin (the one I mentioned) is pushing her.

Yes. Got a dinner party on Tuesday. Mmmm not sure what to do. Might do Thai Green Curry or Paella. Probably a chicken paella.....

I think I am almost done with DB. It seems to be going nowhere. Sadly.

Take care and thank you.

Surfer.

[Cessna]

Surfer don't do it. Roller coaster. Time. Hang in there bud. Give me your thoughts on my post yesterday. I'm going to have to reply soon. Stay the course!

[Cherry]

Ooh a chicken paella sounds great!

I agree with Cessna, another big dip on the roller coaster. Stay onboard- you're doing good. Hang in there!

[Surfer]

Sorry. I've had enough. I will still use principles and practices to protect me and the kids. But I don't want her or this anymore. Mediation will now happen. I am not spending the rest of my life trying to reconcile with such a vile person. Why would I want to?

No too much has happened. Yesterday just showed me, again, just exactly how manipulative she is.

I need to stop trying to change the course she has chosen. I need to totally let this happen and let her feel the struggle of hard life with zero support, hard times financially, no time to do what she wants - when she wants. She can feel like a mum that is running around trying to fit in kids, ironing, cleaning, chores, school, clubs, making ends meet with no emotional support only financial and emotional support for the kids. I will pay my way and will give her a large enough settlement. But I am done.

She is not coming back. She has chosen her path. I am done.

I don't think I could even believe her if she spent 6 months to a year or more of showing she get her failings and working on them.

I need to be separate from her. She is damaging.

Surfer.

[Cadet]

I need to be separate from her. She is damaging.

Surfer.

This is ok.

Maybe it will help with more detachment.

I think you need to rethink what DBing is.
Use a beginner's mind.
DBing is NOT waiting, standing is not STILL.

[SH_]

I think I am almost done with DB. It seems to be going nowhere. Sadly.

Surfer,

What do you mean by this?
I have concern that there are missing part to your understanding of what DB is truely for us.

Might you elaborate what you mean by,
Being done?
It going no where?

Do you thin she is driving the roller coaster?
Or might you be driving it?

[Cld]

Surfer,

Stay calm and have patience.
They do come out of it eventually, you just have to wait.
A midlife crisis lasts between 2-5 years in women, please keep reminding yourself that every time you become impatient.
Hugs.

[Natus]

Ive transititioned from DBing to win her back to working on me irregardless if we get back together or not.

[ForGump]

She is not coming back. She has chosen her path. I am done.
I need to be separate from her. She is damaging.

We are at the same place.

Sadly.

Most divorces don't get busted. We all know that. There has been just too much damage or one party is too dysfunctional. Yes, by all means, let's cope, let's recover, let's improve ourselves ... but we're not busting anything.