Husband just told me he is moving out.

[Mombear]

I'm not going to beg him to go. I'm not even going to ask him to go. I'm simply going to have a common theme to my answers. I'll listen, validate, and tell him my opinion is that a therapist could help us work through these issues.

The sad thing is that I can see this train wreck coming from miles and miles away. He's going to leave, and his life isn't going to get any better, and he'll continue to blame me for everything. People will be disappointed him because he's acting like a selfish jerk, and he'll think I'm behind it all. But I can only control what I can control.

[doodler]

The sad thing is that I can see this train wreck coming from miles and miles away. He's going to leave, and his life isn't going to get any better, and he'll continue to blame me for everything. People will be disappointed him because he's acting like a selfish jerk, and he'll think I'm behind it all. But I can only control what I can control.

Mombear,

Yep, the wayward spouses seem to have to go through the bowels of hell. Fortunately, we can chose not to follow them there. I much prefer the lighthouse. (See how I'm mixing metaphors?)

[ForGump]

Mombear--

I think most people in here would say that 2 months is really not very long for a confused spouse to be ... confused. Look at people's signatures -- lots of them have bomb drops that happened many months ago, with no clear resolution as of today. Your own situation and your own needs are different, but it may help to see that other people deal with problems for much longer than 2 months.

My advice is, when you talk to him, frame the problem only in terms of him figuring out his thoughts and feelings. Don't frame the problem as, "we need to fix our marriage." Tell him he needs to do whatever it takes to get to a healthier place. I like using the word "healthy" because healthy doesn't mean simply happy and joyful. He needs to figure out what he wants to do as a husband, as a father, and as a man.

It sounds to me like he's got some serious, deep-seated issues. It's not about just your marriage. It's going to take some time for him to figure it out.

[cat04]

Mombear,

How are you today?

I agree with ForGump.

Two months, (although I know you have been dealing with this longer), really isn't very long at all for this...

It didn't take your H a short time to get to where he is and it's going to take him however long it takes for him to figure his stuff out.

Unless you want a divorce, I wouldn't push him to make his decisions quickly.

I also agree that your H is dealing with things that are bigger than your marriage.

Please keep posting. Venting, journaling. It will help you make sense of something that makes no sense.