Confused

[n2hcke]

Thank you ForGump.
I do think you are right when you say detach. That is what I need to do. It is hard because I feel like it is a giving up on my marriage. But I know I need to do that for my sanity.

[doodler]

Doodler,
I know what you mean. It is hard to imagine being able to take him back. It would have to be a HUGE act of God for me to be able to get over the pain I feel.
Like you, I am one day angry and one day grieving. How long did the cycle last for you? I am so tired of feeling this way.

n2hcke,

I don't know how long the angry-grieving cycle has been for me. I would say maybe four months, and that timeframe includes a wider range of varying feelings.

My IC had a lot to do with my "recovery" from LBS syndrome. I blamed myself for much of what happened, and over time, I realized that just wasn't the case. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the perfect husband by any stretch, but I was a good husband and I went to great lengths to accommodate my wife because of her childhood sexual abuse. Unfortunately, regardless of how much you love someone and strive to help them, you can't fix them; they have to do that themselves. That can be a tough pill to swallow.

[n2hcke]

Today I feel strong, but also a little sad.
I am still grieving. By detaching oneself, you have to let go of the past and not let it affect you, at least in my view.
I look back and remember when my H told me he loved me and held me and kissed me and made me feel loved.
Knowing he doesn't want to do that anymore still hurts.
However, I know that I cannot dwell in the past anymore as nothing I do or say is going to change anything. My H has to be the one who changes.

[n2hcke]

So I need some advice. The OW is friendly with my D school teacher. My H came home today and told me that if D does not do well, she will be moved to a different class, her teacher is a very good one. I asked if the teacher said something to which he replied he had insider information.
I know the OW said something to H but he doesn't say her name. Why?
Should I call him out on it or just let him think he's being sneaky?

[AndrewP]

I hate to say it - does it matter enough to create drama?

[Buxom]

I wouldn't, at least not now. I know from experience that even tho I am very certain of things, I was found to be wrong. Not worth it.

[n2hcke]

AndrewP and Buxom,
Thank you for your advice. I didn't say anything and it ended up being a good evening.
My H actually started up a conversation with me regarding something he did as a child. I was surprised that he would talk to me like that. This is something we haven't done in months.
I just now need to take it for what it was, a nice conversation, and not try and read too much into it.
He's also been home every night this week, hasn't gone anywhere.

[Buxom]

Great to hear! When we don't pursue, as hard as it is, then the reach out. The sharing of a memory is fantastic. There may be something in that chat with clues as to his issues?

[n2hcke]

I am not sure what his issues are, other than that he doesn't know if it is worth being married to me. At least that is what he told me a month ago.
So this past week he was home every night, didn't go out. It was nice, very nice.
Last night he went to a guns and roses concert with his friend. He came home about midnight and woke me up. Stupid me thought he might want to talk about the concert.
No, he was informing me he had to get up at 545. When I asked him why he said he promised to do a boy scout thing. Well the OW son is in boy's scouts. I asked him if he wanted me to set the alarm. So that hurt.
I wonder why tell me.
I also wonder if my less than enthusiastic response made him pull back.

[n2hcke]

So we're just sitting next to each other watching t.v. it is so in uncomfortable. I keep waiting for him to say something like he is done, or just leave.
I had a niceish week with him and now I am waiting for the other shoe to drop again