h's work has always come first...that's fine...that's somewhat understandable...but for petes sake...your the boss...you can schedule yourself some time off...you can take 5 minutes out of what you are doing to address an issue at home without being irritable towards your wife...it's not like the boss is going to give you flack...all you have to do is say "sorry, son had a little accident" and nobody with any decency is going to begrudge you the 5-10 min you took away from them to address it properly...but instead you choose to put your customers and employees first as if youre performing brain sergury or something...sorry what you are doing is performing a superficial task of helping snotty people make their yards look nice...you want to be everyones hero cept for to the people you should be...you put them last and it's not fair...I'm tired of putting you first...I'm tired of considering you...when you call here for nothing and the kids are running a muck and going crazy even at my worst I have never been short with you or made you feel like you were less important when the truth of the matter is you are and you should be less important than what's going on here.
I'm tired of wondering if I'm good enough for you...fact is I am too good for you..
I'm tired of considering you....so what if I have class tues and thurs...if invited by my friends to go to dinner on fri why shouldn't I...it's not like you'd care if I weren't here anyway...infact I think you'd be happier if you didn't have to deal with me at all.
you never say I love you...
I bet if I were to complain about the fact that we haven't gone out alone in about a month you'd say...we're going away for a whole weekend aren't we? sure we're going away..we're going away with the kids and I'd be willing to bet that once we put the kids to bed...you'll just go to sleep too!
I'm sure by now you can sense that there is something wrong...you have learned to recognize my silence...you might ask but then again you might not...the king of "as if" that you are...but you can bet that when and if you do ask...I will not waist my breath to say anything to you about it...we have a c session monday night but I don't think I will bother to get a sitter..don't see any point in having you come along...it's not productive and I don't feel you are being honest...you seem to want to just act as if there too...pretending all is well and things are getting better..sure they're getting better for you and you alone...the kids don't see you, I don't see you and I'm begining to not want to see you.
I hope that you are happy with your life I hope that my suffering is worth it for you.
I can tell you right now that if you forget to erase your phone or happen to be seen somewhere with someone you shouldn't be with...life as you know it is over...infact your life will be over...you will work 6 days a week and take care of this lawn but you wont get to enjoy it, you wont come home to a cooked meal. My life on the other hand will just begin...I will break free from your lies and your selfishness....I will live for me and the kids and have little or no consideration for you.
gee I wonder how long I have to be married to get alimony for the rest of my life?
it is simply inexusable. I'm sorry being short and rude and grumpy with me because you are busy with something more important is not ok...calling later on to "appologize" doesn't make it ok either...why not be courteous and say LL I'm sorry it's pooring here and I'm in the middle of trying to get these guys set up I'll call you back in a few minutes. that way I am still of some significance and not pushed asside till a time that better suits you...you don't understand this do you...why simply because in the past I have thanked you for appologizing...honestly I'd rather you learned a new way....why be a prick and have to appologize when you can find a better way to go about it so that you can still get back to your precous work that is what's truly important, when you could just be considerate in the first place and not need to make that appology call.
I can only take so much...I shouldn't have to take anything from you.
I think you were right during our seperation when you thought I hated you....I do...I hate the fact that everything else is more imporant to you than your wife and your children...I hate the fact that you express no emotion...I hate the fact that you are so self rightous to the point that you feel your affair was just something that happend and seem to feel no guilt over it at all....I hate the fact that even when you are wrong you twist it to make it me that is wrong...I'm tired of simply coasting with you...I want an adult relationship...one in wich issues can be addressed....I'm tired of being with you, I'm not happy with you, I'm not happy being the wife of the guy that everyone thinks is so wonderful when I know that he isn't.
maybe you should leave and go be with that little twit who thinks your wonderful enough to leave her family for!
so then from now on (or rather once again) no matter what is going on here at home... DO NOT CALL H
from now on (or rather once again) don't answer the phone unless a message of significant importance is left.
from now on (or rather once again) do whatever I want to do even if that means going out when h and I haven't spent any time together.
from now on (or rather once again) detach from h!
from now on (or rather once again) find the good in my life inspite of h's crappy ways.
from now on (or rather once again) get over it!
I do feel bad for h...it has been almost a year since his "wake up" but it seems he is a slow learner...unless of course there are other complications involved in wich case he's just an idiot (research shows that men always get caught while women don't).
I'm not playing anymore... I'm not bending anymore... I'm not making excuses anymore... I'm trying to not care anymore...
The agony you are in is terrible. I hate to hear such pain, especially from someone I consider a friend and respect. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through.
It sounds like you are past the "Last Resort." Sounds like you are at a crossroad and have a decision to make. I pray for your happiness and for your children. Your decision, in a nutshell, is do you love this man enough to keep trying to get through to him, or kick him to the curb?
My father has his own biz and it has oftentimes been a source of contention in our family dynamic. For the longest time, I felt he was just a jerk/workaholic who cared more for his business than he did for his family. All evidence pointed to that. However, after his second divorce (which was mostly due to his business and his lack of involvement with his wife of 17 years) he has become a different person. He still works hard, usually 5am to 6pm m-f and 6am to 1 pm on sats, but he also has learned how to express himself more. I cannot explain why or how he did it, but it has made a remarkable difference in how he relates to the rest of the family.
Is there a chance that your husband is the same way? Maybe he just doesn't know how to communicate? And I'm not talking about the 5 languages bs, I mean perhaps he is a proud, self made man who is so insecure that he cannot even help his children understand how much he cares?
Quote: Is there a chance that your husband is the same way? Maybe he just doesn't know how to communicate? And I'm not talking about the 5 languages bs, I mean perhaps he is a proud, self made man who is so insecure that he cannot even help his children understand how much he cares?
Or, is he really a prick?
oh goodness sad, I had to laugh at that one...for certain h is not a prick...if he were then I'd be pretty daft wouldn't I?!
no he is simply a self made man (who btw believes all can acheive what he has, it's wether they want it or not this is what I hear when I comment on how fortunate I feel having all that we have in regard to home and stuff)
on the way home from our last c session h did mention his arrogance. That he for whatever reason felt he had to have a certain amount of arrogance or confidence to make it (he did start his business at 19) and is just realizing now that there are other and better ways to get your point across.
h does get it, it just gets lost. I've already been appologized to three times and noticed a bit of butt kissing and h isn't even home yet. not that I want h to kiss my butt (ok yes I do) but I would like for him to take a step back every once in a while and realize how his words and actions effect me ( and yes I know it is my choice to let them effect me or not)
I'm pretty sure I'll (or rather we'll) be ok...I stood up for myself without getting pissy and feel that I was heard, I'm pretty sure h understands that I DO understand that he is sometimes busy but that doesn't give him the right to be snippy with me even if he appologizes later.
thanks for the hugs, don't worry bout me...in case you haven't noticed I tend to be a bit of a drama queen, things are never as bad as they seem when I post them. my rants are an outpouring of frustration at the moment and they help to releive some of the pent up thoughts so I can sit back and focus.
I know it makes me look like a nut and probably makes getting back together seem like more aggrivation than it's worth. trust me it's worth it or I wouldn't be here.
Quote: Sorry to find you in this state, particularly when I kind of expected things to be going well for you. Wish I had a few words of wisdom.....sigh!
ah jim always nice to hear from you, don't worry things are going well, you've just caught me on a bad day. h is busy and stressed trying to get things organized and ready so he can take off with the kids and I for an extra long weekend (fri afternoon to mon evening) so I suppose I should cut him a tad of slack considering it was his idea to go away.
Quote: Guess it's back to the DBing basics.
dbing is a way of life, sometimes we just need a refresher course.
this is what I hear when I comment on how fortunate I feel having all that we have in regard to home and stuff)