Chuck is a great coach. I think had I listened to him initially my sitch would be different. I can't change that now. Please take notes when you speak to a coach and listen to what advice they have it is very valuable.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Thanks JimKao. I took lots of notes and he really helped to sort all those jumbled thoughts I had going around in my head! I'm going to post a bit about what he discussed on my thread, would you be able to come over and expand on what sort of advice you feel you didn't listen to?
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I didn't read your first link because I have been off the pages for a while but I read all 11 of this post. I know it seems counter-intuitive to pull away and not be there when she needs but it is exactly what you need to do. I was the WAS, I had an A and my H tried all of the things that everyone does before they finally pull away. I am here to tell you that nothing worked until I TRULY knew he was gone for good. I had already looked for ways to fix our M but even if I hadn't, I believe it would have worked. When your W texts you that she needs you to call or text right away, DON'T. Wait a while before contacting her. Act like you were busy even if you weren't. I was the WAS but it wasn't until I realized my H was gone for good and I did what I read on this site about GAL, being mysterious, etc... that our M even had a chance. We reconciled 3 or 4 years ago and we are still doing great. My goal is to payback to this site what I received but I have been in Nursing School and just couldn't get on very often. You really can reconcile, even with a spouse who is DONE.
I was done. When my S found out I was having an A and wanted to "work things out" "go to MC', etc, I was so MAD. I had tried for years and he had no interest. Then, when I finally felt happy he wanted to TRY? Oh no,I didn't want any part of it. Any S who thinks they had 'no part' in S wanting a D or having an A is wrong, I guarantee it. I know I saw on a page where you had 'done this and done that' to keep her happy but I will be shocked if somewhere along the line (more likely many, many times) she didn't tell you what she needed to be happy in your R.
I am not here to beat you up, I am here to tell you not to give up but to follow the advice you found in DR even when it seems wrong.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
lovethehub - thank you so much for taking the time to read and give advice! I really appreciate it!!!!! and congrats on your marriage! a question, what did your H do for you to realize you had truly "lost him"? part of me feels W will not know this because we have a D and I'm there for D (as much as she lets me).
I would like to know that as well. Cheesyt and I are both dim and I haven't heard from my wife since I would not let her come to the house to see the dogs cuz I am out of town. That was Monday. NC except a brief moment at school Wednesday.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/27/1601:00 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
