Was asked to start a new thread. But in response to the old one.
Clearte
"random though here, if our W's are out and keeping busy, how in the heck are they supposed to reflect and miss us / want us back? I know my W is so busy with school. & friends take up her spare time, I don't see how this will work out when she puts so much energy into everyone else."
Hawker "Well my W is not missing me cuz she has a OW that is keeping her occupied.... frown Hopefully she will realize this OW is not so perfect and she will remember our life together eventually.....just keep being the people our spouses would be a fool to leave. Keep working on us!! smile"
I have often wondered the same thing. My W is so busy out partying and drinking and with OW that I doubt she takes the time to reflect/miss me. And I think someone else told me I shouldn't care, I'm making these changes for me. But while that is true it doesn't mean I don't want her to notice.
however, my IC recommended that I read certain articles/information about MLC that she gave me. Even though my W is a bit young IC believes that because of the health stuff she's gone through and the fact that MLC is normally triggered when you realize you won't be young forever that she fits this profile. Anyways, while reading through this stuff I find it terrifying mostly because it so accurately reflects my situation. I know based on actions/things that are typically said by the MLCer that my W is currently in Stage 3, which is called replay, which is when they basically start acting like a teenager and have inappropriate affairs and often times tell you they want a D. Sooo I know at this stage W probably isn't doing much reflecting but I know there will come a point when she does and that will suck for her.
I guess the short version is - I get what you guys are saying. If they aren't taking the time to reflect that doesn't feel great for us, but they can't run from their problems forever. Eventually they will have to take the time to themselves to reflect but at this point, MLC or not, they don't WANT to look inside themselves and that's why they are staying so busy with other people. They'll get there eventually.
Hope everyone has a great day today and stay strong!
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
This is the link to the old thread if anyone wants it.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Well, they can continue to run forever. Thats why you cant live your life waiting for her to come back or her to notice your changes and so on.If you truly become the best you possible, then youll find that you are happy either way.
I guess theoretically you're right, she could run forever. It just seems very unsustainable and ultimately an unhappy and unfulfilling existence. And I don't believe a person can "run forever" on some level and some point they recognize it, it's just a matter of how they deal with it.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Maybs: Sorry to hear about your sitch - I too think my W is in a MLC. I'll google the article you mentioned. It could be helpful to me as well.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
I've read CT118's thread as well. It does have some good info on MLC. Knowing the actions an MLCer takes helps and for me knowing the "stages" even though they aren't linear helps me be more understanding and compassionate towards W. And on some level knowing this is pretty common helps. Like I know I'm not alone in going through this stuff. Even just this thread proves that. I would never wish for someone to go through this. But since I am. I'm glad I found this place and the support you guys can offer when I'm feeling weak.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
anyone have a link to these MLC threads or where can I read? I've read some but as always I'm just confused all the time and cant tell which end is up.
