tkdmme - I feel for you. The constant reminders of "other" people having happy fulfilling lives is difficult.
I haven't read through your sitch or know much about you but music seems to be something that gives you joy. I know that when others suggest it to me I resist but getting out and about can be good for you. There are lots of places that have music. My oldest brother for example plays at a senior's home every few weeks. He's not a great player and they're not a great audience but everyone has fun and he feels good because he's giving back to the world.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Music is very important to me. That's really cool that your brother is able to give back to the community. I have always been prone to depression and this situation has thrown it into overdrive. I just want it to be over.
Good luck to you.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
What will become of my children? Will they understand that I did all I could to save my M and to try to make up for the things I was lacking as a father? DO they know the mess im in? Do I appear weak to them? Will I ever be able to repay them for what they have endured?
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Hi TK, I'm sorry you didn't have a good weekend my friend. I would encourage you to think about your own support network. You've done so well to drop some unhealthy behaviours and sustain that, even though it hasn't been easy. Maybe the next step is to forge some links with local people that are good for you.
Have you considered a Divorce Care group for example, or any Meetups, or something music based that isn't linked to bars? It may also be an idea to speak to an IC and you can explore some of your fears with them. We all feel self-pity at times in our situations, and it's understandable. The main thing is not to get stuck in that place and to keep moving forward.
Earlier on in my sitch, I made myself take up one new regular GAL activity a month. These included yoga, book group, calligraphy workshops, Ladies social group etc. Not all of them survived, but I do have a pretty full and busy life now, with some good new friends.
So, can you think about some goals for yourself that are going to help you move forward from this low phase my friend? We are all here to support and you can post and 'talk' to us every day if you like.
I do hope things improve for you soon TK
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My life is still a complete mess but im embracing the loneliness.
The life I was living was reckless for me and anyone around me at that time.
Tkdmme - if I may, do not view any of this as "embracing the loneliness". I understand where it comes from, and it is not just your WW. You are in recovery from substance abuse, I can relate to that as I am too. Yes, the fight for what to do with your time, how to meet new people, how to not be bored - all without the substance! This is a challenge and it feels like a lonely one. I wish the continued sobriety to remain successful for you. Also, feeling alone, unwanted, and disrespected - again all natural given the sitch. I too went to other women to combat this, to make me feel better, to even the score so to speak - failed. Did not achieve anything for me emotionally. I cannot tell you how to think, but I can tell you, the decision lies within you. Help exists in this world. Better days exist in this world. I hope you pull through these feelings man. FWIW, I think that you quitting alcohol is an amazing feat and I am proud for you. People will just not understand to the full extent unless they have been down in the gutter too. You got this dude.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
It was a challenging weekend. I had the kids and school starts today. I am missing the middle school orientation this morning because I couldn't get off work and I feel a little guilty for it. The W saw fit to remind me that I was never involved with the family when we were together. How many times must I apologize for my past mistakes? Why does it keep coming up? its like we cant have a conversation without her mentioning something I did in the past. The past is gone. I just want to move forward and stop focusing on the past. What am I supposed to say when these things get brought up?
Anyway, The kids and I had a great weekend. we did a lot of yard work. I bought a new mower and my S11 wanted to be the first to use it. He has never mowed the grass before. He did a great job and I was so proud.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
You could not get off work. End of issue. You would have liked to have been there but it is no biggie. Let Ws comments slide off you without affecting you. Validate if you can or simply say yes it is true you missed many opportunities before. DO NOT apologize again. Repeatedly apologies are weak and another one will not be more effective than the previous.
You are right to not focus on the past. You have changed . Live that change.And don't get dragged back into defending yourself against comments about past behaviour.
Glad you had a good time with kids
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
The W saw fit to remind me that I was never involved with the family when we were together. How many times must I apologize for my past mistakes? Why does it keep coming up? its like we cant have a conversation without her mentioning something I did in the past.
Agree. Stop apologizing. How many times would you expect your child to apologize for the same thing?
"Youre right. Thats why I am doing what I can to be more involved now."
Also, I need some advice on custody. With school starting, the W says the kids cant stay over with me during the week. I am up early for work and can drop them off with W on the way. She says that they need stability and that waking them up too early is not a good idea. I have no legal leg to stand on because we have not filed or have any legal separation agreement. She has offered that they can come over until bedtime then I have to bring them home. I am at her mercy on any and all decisions made regarding the kids. I don't want to start a fight but she is unwilling to discuss matters. Its basically her way or no way.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I have no legal leg to stand on because we have not filed or have any legal separation agreement. She has offered that they can come over until bedtime then I have to bring them home. I am at her mercy on any and all decisions made regarding the kids. I don't want to start a fight but she is unwilling to discuss matters. Its basically her way or no way.
If you haven't filed for divorce and there's no separation agreement, then why are you at her mercy? She's being a bad @ss (aka a bully); you can do the same.
