Initially I was in the 'No' camp but Ginger1 makes a good and considered point.
Thinking about it a little more, by saying 'no' you are trying to control your H and his relationship with the kids. If there are no safety concerns why not give it a trial? This might be an opportunity for your H to learn something... e.g. he still lives too far away!
Also if this trial works out, there could be a chance to have some more time for 'you', providing you GAL it wisely.
Me 50, ExW 49 T21, M13+ S15, S13 BD #1: 25-Jan-2016 (EA confirmed & ILYBINILWY) Sept-2016 Mediated Sep. starts Oct-2016 W petitions for D Jan-2017 R w OM admitted/confirmed Jun-2018 D'd
Mia I say go for it...not only because it is good for the kiddos but because it eases the burden on you. Let go. Go out and paint or take a long bath. Go out for drinks ...pamper yourself..welcome the time off.
Thanks for the advise but my gut still says no. The kids aren't keen and they have a routine going to school with friends etc. I have no problem them staying midweek during holidays but school days not so. I. A teacher and I see the affect that to and frying during a school week has......tiredness, missing equipment, lack of focus...maybe that is why I'm against it. I assure you I am thinking of the kids here...would it be easier for me to have one day a week when all I had to do was get myself sorted for work.....one evening a week when I didn't need to worry about childcare...of course but I really believe that it is not best for the kids.
Mia, my first husband and I have EXACTLY 50/50 custody. The kids spend 1/2 the week with me and the other half with him. He moved 30minutes away from my town when we divorced. For the first year he drove the kids to my town for school, then sadly their school closed (Catholic schools are closing like crazy these days. So sad) We then placed them in a school 1/2 between us so we each had about a 20min drive to their school. Well my oldest is now in high school and decided to go to a school in the same town as his dad lives but my 10yr old is still at the school that's 1/2 way in between us. So I now have 1hr 15min commute 4 days a week to get both boys to school in the morning and the same picking them up 3 days a week.
Does the commute s@ck? Yes! But the boys DESERVE equal time with their dad. By the way both boys do just fine in school, they have uniforms & shoes at both houses and if they are tired it's because they snuck their Kindle to bed and stayed up late! Lol!
My point is that his request is GOOD for your kids. By the way teaching them flexibility and responsibility for their things is an invaluable skill.
Lol twin mum about sneeking the kindle..... So my eldest...but...my h doesn't pay for stuff so paying for same things each place he wouldn't do unfortunately.
I think a trial sounds like a good plan and wouldn't see why an overnight stay is a poor idea. If it doesn't work in practice, you can always pick that up with him. But I think it's good if the kids can stay overnight with dad after you guys have S.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Lol twin mum about sneeking the kindle..... So my eldest...but...my h doesn't pay for stuff so paying for same things each place he wouldn't do unfortunately.
If it's only one night no need for duplicates BUT $20 at Goodwill (or whatever second hand clothing store is in your area) will most likely get you a back up pair of shoes & pants/shirt.
Your responsibility? Not really The benefits for the kids of you being the "bigger person" = PRICELESS
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Mia, I'd take him on his offer. At the beginning I was a bit reluctant for H to have kids staying overnight one day a week as he lives 20 minutes drive. My kids are fine at school, and not having them a night gives me a chance to either catch up with work, go out to the cinema or read a book. I love my kids but I appreciate this me time.
As said I have said no.....and for this I am thinking of our children as always. They have gotten used to this routine and there is no benefit to them to spend the night during a school week at his house.....
Interestingly , some thoughts ......h was taking the kids out for his usual evening Tuesday meal. I wasn't sure what time he was coming so I went to pick up our youngest from kids club. I beeped when I got there as h was there , but I beeped my son. Son came over but so did h all smiles etc talking to me like we were friends. I was neutral. Is this a positive step...or am I reading too much?
A positive step towards what? Effective coparenting? Reconcilliation?
I find when there is comfortable communication without tension it is positive for many reasons. It's good for your kids to see you guys communicate without discomfort or hostility. It's great he is wanting to spend more time with them. All this stuff is definitely a positive step towards the kids, no doubt.
As far as a positive step to wanting to work on the M again? I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket. He was kind, take his kindness for face value. I say this not to dash hopes, there is no saying what the future holds......
But sometimes when we get out expectations up of a particular action, the fall from it is kind of hard and "undoes" some positive forward steps.
Maybe take this as an opportunity to contact him the next time if you aren't sure what time he is coming so you both don't go to pick up the kids when you don't have to.
