ive since deleted her and blocked her on facebook. she is blaming me for all of the trouble in her life. hahahahah its all my fault. hahahahhaa anyway. i guess that chapter is closed. it will hit me later. what in exciting day so far. i guess well see what happens over the next several months. but obviously, she wasnt done being a slut. and im NOT going back to that. her loss
its starting to hit me.....the lies....picturing her and him kissing.....the strait faced lies.....her leading me on......her cheating on me again......again. i saw the red flags, but i ignored them, walked past them.
i can honestly say, that i did everything i could to have saved this marriage. there is no blood on my hands, no matter how hard she tries to pin anything on me.
its been several hours of NC. and i expect many many many more. i dont know what direction im going. divorce or waiting it out. if i wait it out. i am NOT accepting anything less than 100% . but at this point it doesnt really matter. i am pumped full of emotion and booze. and i am not capable of making a sound decision for a loooonnnnggg time.
i had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. i know that will pass,ive been here before.
i saw this coming......a long time ago. when she exchanged all her married friends for single friends and starting living the single life. going out to bars several times a week. and what kills me is that several of our mutual "friends " knew what was going on. but instead of speaking up, they supported her. (they are all divorced).
that is what is keeping me up at night. figuring out who i can trust. this [censored]. and now im starting to feel the whole embarrassed ashamed feelings again for having a slut wife running around town.
i made an appointment to speak with my lawyer for tomorrow afternoon. i want to get the divorce paperwork drawn up to see what i have to look forward too. this woman is a serial cheater and i think i hit my limit.
When the LBS fog clears and you realize what she's put you through, then anger tends to follow. Channel the anger in productive ways that'll help you become a better and stronger person.
this is the third time ive been the LBS with her in the last year and a half. i told myself, one more time and im done. well, she did it one more time. and im leaning on the done button. im 99% there.
im still in shock. i picked the kids up last night, and i stayed in my vehicle. they came out of the house and i could see her milling around behind the curtains watching. i dropped the kids off at my moms in the morning, and she will pick them up there later today. i haven't said a full word to her in 2 days. and i have a meeting with the lawyer tonight after work.
part of me wants this to be done, so i can move on. part of me says, what if she wakes up? i really should have followed through with this a year ago. i tried and tried and tried for months. and she strung me along the whole way. she is not capable of a relationship. it breaks my heart to know what is going to happen over the next several months to all of us. Me, Her the kids. we are all going to suffer greatly. and im so sick and tired of suffering. but, this is it. there is no getting out of this. i just need to try and make the best of every day. and love the kids. they didn't ask for any of this, and they deserve the best.
i spoke with the lawyer last night. apparently she had already called. (we are using the same lawyer) and she is interested in getting divorced as fast as possible, and is willing to sign off on a lot of things and not rake me over the coals.
im 99% sure that im going to sign the divorce papers as they are written, after i have a chance to look them over. as far as i can see it this relationship is over. and it would be post divorce, plus a year or 5 until we could ever even think about reconciling. she needs to get this single crap out of her system. and im not willing to sit back and watch and hope anymore.
