I do not work. I am in school to get a master's degree in teaching, but I have another year to go. I just talked to him on the phone, completely blew DB and all my dignity. I told him he was abandoning the family...ugh. He seems hell bent on doing this. He said he has no desire to go to counseling with me.
I do love those fourth graders....minds like little sponges and still very sweet. I have been substitute teaching for three years after a bout with breast cancer.
My husband's face is contorted with anger. It's like an alien has invaded his body. How he sustains such anger for so long is beyond me. OK...deep breath....I will go back to ignoring him. Painful stuff.
Cadet, should I completely ignore him then? But also be positive and happy? We have the grad party this weekend. He is a snarling, hissing cat around me. Quietly steaming. It's awful.
Cadet, should I completely ignore him then? But also be positive and happy? We have the grad party this weekend. He is a snarling, hissing cat around me. Quietly steaming. It's awful.
I think this is a good place to start. Get on living your life in a positive and happy manner. Stop engaging him and only respond when absolutely necessary.
You want him to pursue you in a respectful manner. Other than that you have no time for him and are busy with your life.
I do love those fourth graders....minds like little sponges and still very sweet. I have been substitute teaching for three years after a bout with breast cancer.
I understand, I think fourth grade would be a fun grade to teach. My youngest son just finished fifth grade and he's still has that sweet demeanor; I wish he'd stay like that forever.
Originally Posted By: jmo
My husband's face is contorted with anger. It's like an alien has invaded his body. How he sustains such anger for so long is beyond me. OK...deep breath....I will go back to ignoring him. Painful stuff.
With regards to what Cadet said, I had a difficult time getting out of pursuit mode with my wife. I did a lot things to delay the separation and divorce filing. Even though I didn't feel like I was pursuing, my wife perceived my behavior as pursuing. When I started "helping" her achieve her goals, she began to understand that I was serious about moving on.
The side-effect of that was I started feeling better about myself because I was no longer Plan B (i.e. she doesn't get to have me and the OM) and I gained a new respect for myself. I was surprised at how much better I felt about myself because I was no longer Plan B; it really helped me to be more objective about my marriage and my relationship with my wife.
Hi JMO, I wanted to respond to your question in my thread about NC. I see you've been M a long time. Before I answer that question, I'd like to know more about your M, so permit me to ask several questions, in order to get a clearer view. What are the ages of you and your H?
Can you give us a little more marital history about your MR?
Was there usually good interaction between you as a couple? Was one more talkative than the other? Did the two personalities clash or compatible? Who would you say wore the pants in the M? Who would you say was mostly the giver and who was the taker?
Did your H come from a healthy home environment, or was it dysfunctional? Has he lost a very close family member or friend, lately? Has he suffered financial ruin or some other catastrophe in the past couple of years?
A personal but extremely important question is how was your sex life before he began this behavior?
Have either of you ever been in an inappropriate relationship? Do you suspect your H has another woman, and if he does......is it a deal breaker for you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
also, there is nothing to be embarassed about. Things happen. It takes a lot of courage to share your situation. Be proud of that. Any changes you make right now, need to be for yourself and no one else. That's the only way to not 'fake' it.
I agree that you should leave these posts on the board.
The way I read this you are putting a lot of stock into things you did wrong and giving your husband no credit at all for being depressed and un-engaged. I do not think he deserves a hall pass. I think you need to drop the rope and let him go, detach, and focus on yourself. Just because your husband stopped drinking does not mean that he is cured of all his problems.
Do you attend AL-ANON?
I think that if you do not it might be a good place to start. DB is a lot like it.
It is counter intuitive and most people dont get it!
