5 months & counting

[sr9e2d7]

So yesterday we had a counseling session that I assumed he wouldn't show up to. But he did, and he came clean to a lot but who knows what's the truth. Anyway, he says he's in the process of ending the relationship with the OW, but again those are just words. So we are going to have no contact until his relationship with her is over. He says that's what he wants to do, and up until now I've been letting him be in both worlds. I'm ending that now. He's going to see what life is like without me. There's a chance he's gonna pick her but I need to do this. I'll probably be posting a lot when I want to text or call him.

[MoveFrwd]

he's in the process of ending the relationship with the OW

What exactly does this mean? It sounds like a major slice of cake to basically be cool with waiting for him to do whatever he wants with OW while you just sit around as Plan B.

There's a chance he's gonna pick her but I need to do this.

Why is he the only one that gets to "pick"? I assume you made it clear that you will always pick him?

[sr9e2d7]

No, I told him I need this time to decide what I want. I've never thought about what I want- ever. Just been fighting for him but maybe he's not what I want. I don't know how to know what I want though.

[sr9e2d7]

Having a few really sad days - mourning the loss of the life I had.

[roist]

Focus on the life you want. In our situations it is sometimes hard to determine what we want in the big picture. Some people have gone so long without asking themselves what they want that it us difficult to do so now.

What can you do today to feel better? Phone a friend? Take a walk, do sport? Meet someone?Eat a favourite meal/dessert?

It is OK to mourn the loss you feel, but don't dwell on that loss. Look up cbt for how to change your focus.

Best wishes

[sr9e2d7]

I'm having such a hard time knowing whether I even want to be with him. It's like I'm so sad over the loss that I haven't thought about what I want. How do I do that?

[sr9e2d7]

Finding out that your husband is having an affair is probably the worst feeling ever- it has to start getting better right? I keep telling myself, that's the worst I'm ever going to feel

[sr9e2d7]

So I totally failed at not communicating with him. He kept reaching out and at first I was doing great but eventually I gave in. It doesn't make sense - I found out he's having an affair. I should be disgusted by him, I should hate his guts. But I don't. How pathetic is that?!? I think about what it would feel like to ignore him, and it doesn't feel good. I haven't been able to master the "playing it cool" vs "being a bitch". I don't even know that I want him back, but I want the chance to try. It feels like he's realizing the error of his ways but again, that could be all words.

[Raul]

I've stopped trusting my W many months ago... I now know whenever she says she's got "work" to catch up on, she's more than likely spending time with OM... working late, working on weekends etc...

It's more or less at the point now where she just doesn't say anything.

PacLove,
I can relate. WW has always had 2 days off on her schedule. So when she says I can't watch the girls on her days off because she is scheduled to "work," I know she has plans with OM. First time, I confronted her and she denied, denied, denied...eventually own up to it. Now more than 3 times, I stopped confronting her.