5 months & counting

[sr9e2d7]

Do you know where I could read more about acting "as if"

[sr9e2d7]

Sitting in the parking lot before our session feeling scared. I have no control over what's gonna happen in there, just how I handle it. I need some strength to handle it if it's not good.

[sr9e2d7]

Help! My daughter and I are away with my parents for the week. Even though we're separated, I told him he was more than welcome to come see her at the beach and my mom even sent a nice text message saying he's always welcome, blah blah. I never wanted to get my hopes up that he would come, but I just saw that he got someone to cover his class tomorrow so he is free all day. There's a part of me that's thinking he's gonna come see her, but I know when that doesn't happen I'm gonna be crushed. How do I deal with the disappointment??? How do I not get my hopes up???

[Rose888]

I struggle a lot with this myself, and my success rate is not great. When I am obsessing over What Ifs, sometimes one of these strategies helps:
- Distract myself with light reading or TV.
- Clean something, preferably while listening to a podcast
- Imagine the worst that can happen and realize that I will survive it
- Remind myself that all of my wonderings are just stories my mind makes up, and I don't know what is going to happen, so it's not helpful to listen to the stories

Hang in there!

[sr9e2d7]

I just learned tonight that he has been having an affair since November.

[Sotto]

I'm so sorry to hear that sr - I have been there too and I understand how that feels. Please keep posting and do take your time in thinking about how you want to move forward here.

For now, I would look after yourself and process things. Also, do have a think about boundaries. If an A is ongoing, I would suggest to reduce any interaction with him to coparenting. Pleasant, minimal and he doesn't get to spend time on your couch sipping wine and chatting - but that's JMHO.

Did he disclose the A to you directly, or did you find out about it another way?

((((Big hugs to you))))

[sr9e2d7]

I've known it all along but was finally able to confirm when I drove past her tonight and she turned on the street where his new place is. He was just here yesterday saying he wants to come home and we had started going to counseling together. I confronted both of them tonight and I handled the entire situation with class and maturity even though I wanted to gouge both of their eyes out. I have a beautiful little girl who looks up to me and because of that i need to act with composure and grace. He's a liar, and he has completely broken my heart. There is no co- parenting. He does nothing for our daughter besides come and see her a few hours a week. And I bet he does that just to say he sees her. He hasn't ever taken care of her, emotionally or financially.

Why couldn't he have just been honest from the beginning? Then maybe we could've had an amicable split- for the baby's sake of nothing else. Now it's going to be ugly

[Coly23]

Gosh this is awful, I am so sorry for you. My husband walked in May after I asked him to leave following months of mental torture with him saying he didn't love me, didn't think he ever did etc, etc. I could see how irritated I made him and his frustration at having to be with me was so palpable I couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't wait to get out of the door! Now he has rented a flat and has made some very small gestures for building our relationship back up but has not made any real effort. I am killing myself wondering if he has someone else and it is eating me up inside, I just want to know but I am not sure how to go about it. I know it will kill me but not knowing is killing me even more...

[Sotto]

Hi sr, when an A is outed is a volatile time, and if he is saying he wants to come home, he is conflicted still. If him having an A isn't a deal-breaker for you, I do think there is still hope. However, it is important that you have clear boundaries on what is and isn't okay for you. If he does approach you and offer to end the A, you can be ready to lay out your non-negotiables, which normally include a NC letter to AP and transparency with devices, whereabouts etc

However, he may not approach you and if he doesn't, I would carry on with dimness - assuming you've already let him know that you won't be in a R with him if he is involved with OP.

I'm sorry for this turn of events. It's so hard and we just need to put one foot in front of the other and start moving forward. I promise you that, however things unfold, your life will get better going forwards.

Take care my friend :-)

[sr9e2d7]

What is an NC?