Anytime you feel like reacting, don't. You have to detach and treat H like a difficult patient.
Please vent here, instead of venting at your H. You have already let rip into him a few times. A 180 would be not to let rip into him anymore.
Use your anger constructively.
Like what V said, you must start planning for yourself to see what legal actions you can take to protect yourself and kids. You dont have to tell him. In fact, you should stop being so transparent and available, emotionally or physically.
Detach, go dim, act as if you're getting on with your life. Better still, do get on with your life!
For me, the easiest way to signal a change was to change my appearance. I coloured my hair, put on makeup again and changed what I wear. I used to shelp around in berms and tees but after BD, I always made sure I make an effort to look decent before I step out of the door. This change in me really made a difference. People, as well as the x and xfil, noticed.
How are your GAL activities going on?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I have already been running a script in my head of what I will say. I will make it clear that he is allowed to stay in my place as a courtesy. This is a courtesy that can be revoked the very second he becomes verbally abusive, shows hostility or disrespect. He can either go stay at a hotel or go back to his work state, I don't really care.
I will not lose my temper as he expects this and honestly, I feel it puts me in a position of weakness. I will be cool, dignified and graceful. He will NOT get under my skin, he messed up, not me. I will not take one ounce of responsibility for his resuming the affair. I have been working hard to fix me and making me a better mom and person. He has settled for sex with some ditch tramp. Yay him! Hope she was worth the utter loss of any dignity and self esteem he may have had.
I am still having moments of crushing grief and blinding rage but I am making myself stand still and control myself. I am not some impulsive immature person who will throw everything away for a moment of pleasure.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Sara, when you have the time, you may want to drop in on Phoebe's thread. She has really got this db stuff, especially the GAL and firm boundaries issues. I like to read her thread as I find it very soothing and inspiring.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Stand tall Stand strong You do not deserve the selfishness of this person. You are on the right path.
My heart breaks to know that a good woman, and mother is going through what you are. But I know in my heart that God will watch over you and your family and that he has a plan for you. The pain and efforts that you are enduring will prepare you for the blessing that will come.
Please share hugs with the little ones. Be their rock and source of comfort.
(((Sara)))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I like your last post Sara. You have to be the person you truly are inside. One's true character is revealed during the difficult times, not when life is easy. I think your character will carry you through this and you will be proud of your behavior. I hope you find peace, be well
My gosh this roller coaster, it's been spiking and dipping all day long. My stomach is twisted and knotted all day and my appetite is absent. I am barely producing any milk for my baby and he is mostly getting formula now.
WH called this afternoon and was asking how the kids were doing. I was outside with them and was actually feeling calm and chipper. He heard my tone and suddenly asked, "Why are you so happy?" I kind of breathed out a laugh and said, "Because I am enjoying my children." I refuse to let him see my pain. I refuse to let him see how wrecked I am. He no longer has the privilege to see my heart, he's fired from that job. Tomorrow I plan on doing my best make up job, show only the attractive side of myself. He will see what he is losing. I will be a rock star.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
