Hi everyone I'm very much looking for any help/advice I can get. Let me tell you a big about my situation.
I have been with my wife for 8 years (I'm 29, she's 30), married for 2 and we have 2 beautiful daughters together. We hardly ever argue, we never fight and have always enjoyed being in each other's company. Over the past 4-5 months the stresses of day to day life has really caught up with us, financially we've been struggling, childcare has been an issue, both working full time so have no time for the kids and can't seem to escape our debts.
Around 2 months ago she impulsively decided we were moving in with the in-laws to get rid of our debts and save for a mortgage which fell through. She then decided we were moving to Australia and threw herself into that head first which again fell through.
Out of the blue 5 weeks ago she woke me up and dropped the bomb shell, she told me she wasn't happy and needed some space to work out the cause so I packed some things and moved to my parents. A week and a half later I got the phone call saying that she believes it's me and that she "loves me but not in love with me". Since then I have given her space and tried not to beg and plead with her, yes I've spoken to her a couple of times to get some answers but I seem to get a wishy washy, no real content response. I spoke with her tonight regarding the kids and it was like nothing has happened, we spoke like we always had done before, even sharing jokes.
Some things I will point out im 100% certain it is not anyone else, she has mentioned that she is booking a trip at the beginning of July to go away somewhere for a few days as she needs to get away from it all and be on her own, a week before she asked me to leave she was gushing to her friends about how much she loves me and the morning she asked me to leave she sent me some private photos (which isn't uncommon).
I literally have no idea what to do and whether I've lost her forever. Please give me some guidance!!
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Kyle get yourself prepared, I too was 100% sure there wasn't OM, and there was. I will say this, if you find evidence, DO NOT confront her right away, come here and get advice before you fly off the handle, it will help you in long run.
Also, her booking a vacation alone seems out of place to me, especially since you both are living in parents house.. I hope I'm wrong, just don't want you to walk blindly, I found out only a few weeks after it started, and I think that is a big reason We are as far along in recovery as we are. Not that we are recovered, but at least OM was taken out of picture quickly.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/25/1606:13 PM.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I think this things have got a bit confused. I am currently living at my parents and she is in a rented house with my 2 kids, we're not living together.
Throughout all of this she keeps telling people that she just wants to be alone. Again I have absolute faith in my wife that there is no one else.
Update.....After my friendly chat with her yesterday a mutual friend has informed me that she said that it was nice to have a normal conversation with me and that she hopes I'm moving on and it wasn't because I still want her back. The friend asked if she will change her mind and she said "absolutely not".....I feel destroyed.
Update.....After my friendly chat with her yesterday a mutual friend has informed me that she said that it was nice to have a normal conversation with me and that she hopes I'm moving on and it wasn't because I still want her back. The friend asked if she will change her mind and she said "absolutely not".....I feel destroyed.
As you read here and learn you will find out that she is following the script that most of them follow.
Its all your fault, she wont change her mind, yada yada yada.
I can only say that the basic advice in my first post is the overall direction that you need to head.
It is hard to get up and get moving and leave her in the dust. But that is what you must do. Move Forward with your life. LIVE it, and she will either follow or not.
Knowledge is indeed Power and you have all the TIME in the world now to do things for YOU.
