Thank you PhoenixNTraining for you reply and suggestion. I will check it out and see if my wife would be interested in listening to the tape because she did that before o another subject. This is very helpful.
Thank you KAW for your response. Yeah, when it comes to the subject of working on the R, even snail is moving faster than my wife’s. To her, she is happy with the way it is and why she HAS to do anything about it, especially when it comes to sex, she said she has no desire to have it any more and why she HAS to do anything about it. That’s her logic.
Thank you very much Zebra for NOT giving up on me. I’m so sorry that it took me too long to respond. I just don’t know what to say any more. I’m so TIRED of “it”. Hopelessness has just sunk in and made me feel like there was not much I could do any more. We’ve just ended up in the circle and I have been trying to find the way to get out of it without being in divorce. I only hope that one day out of the blue thing would sink in or struck somehow and that would wake her up to reality.
Zebra, like you said counseling would help us if we manage to get there, but so far there was none as couple. I have been there on my own for a while back, but have not been back for a long time. May be I should resume that to see what happens.
Zebra, I wish I could have a magic wand to solve all of these problems that we both and many others have encountered and experienced, but we are the ones (the chosen ones) who have to solve them on our own. But the question is how. We’ve read almost all the books that we had our hands on, we’ve posted here for quite sometimes, and we’ve helped each other for the good time and for the bad time, BUT, here we are…
Here we are…
Maybe and just maybe we really NEED to step out side temporally and look in as an outsider to see what went wrong.
Hi LAN my sitch is similiar with the exception of the A personally the jurys out on councelling I think it can certainly help but I think it can also do a lot of harm. The bottom line is your W has to want it if you push her into it she will only resent you for it. I've felt my W would be very happy with our "plutonic" relationship for ever so I've set some boundries for my self as I too am expected to provide all the same duties as I did before the bomb. We've had some constructive conversations regarding this and I think she sees the big picture so though I will not put any definate time lines on things she knows I will not wait for ever and the balls in her court . She loves to avoid issues and almost always there is no resolution but I'm learning to deal with things a little bit a time which makes it easier for her to handle. I find at times it helps to focus on myself and the kids when I find myself wanting for that physicalness that is so sadly lacking in our R. It's sometimes frustrating to cary on the "false front" in front of family and friends but I'm finding were connecting on other levels (friendship)and in a way are closer than many of our friends so it isn't as uncomfortable any more. The answers are not only in the books but in our hearts and our heads C.
I am very well. My marriage is OK. The divorce is long ago busted. But the marriage is still in recovery. Happily, in recovery. Some of the things I've written have come back to haunt me. Other things have been my rock to which I cling. I don't come around here much. I wish I had the strength to come around more often. I admire folks like JJ who have recovered and now contribute. I miss dear old friends who are now "banned". I won't mention them lest I risk the same fate.
I am once again thinking of returning and giving back to the board, but I may not be ready. Recovery is a hard road. We who are here all know the work to even be here, but few of us know the work to actually recover the marriage. I'm still trying to do that. I have convinced W to stick with the marriage for now, but I now even wonder if it's worth it. I believe we will both make it, but it is still tenuous. This, I believe, is good, because whatever ultimately happens will be the result of very careful consideration, and will be the best for all. We are and will always be friends. This is good.
I luv your use of the word recovery ... yes, its a level that goes beyond piecing and is rarely explored on this bb. Would be very interest in hearing more from those that are "recovering".
Like LAN, I feel now for a better part of a year, I actually stuck in a limbo wasteland between peicing and recovery. While I don't believe there's the threat she will walk away tomorrow, next week or even next month, the futher out I try to project the cloudier it gets. Likewise, we don't seem to be advancing any towards a better M at this time either. Frankly, we're in limbo, because I believe CAW is in limbo. Hasn't made any choices to go in one direction or the other ... but taking a wait and see approach. I don't know how long she is willing to wait?! ... and I feel all I can do at this point is wait as I continue to be the "new" me until she makes up her mind. Then the question become how long am I willing to wait as she waits for the answer to come to her?
Oh well, enough since this is not my thread, in fact, I stopped maintaining a thread so long as I'm stuck in this waiting game. I just wanted to acknowledge your return ... Glad to see you came back for a visit Z! and glad too to hear that you are doing well and so seems your M, altho I do hear a lot of reserve in your message. Maybe you would consider starting a thread to get into that some?
Quote: Some of the things I've written have come back to haunt me. Other things have been my rock to which I cling.
Would like if you went into more detail here too. Let us know more about what worked / didn't work for you as I in turn have look upon you for guidance whenever I could.
Hope to here from you again, Z
... and not to ignore LAN. Hope you do come back around too from time to time. Like to hear from you too.
I hear you on the gettin' old bit. I feel like both of us are literally falling apart...this hurts, that hurts...can't even roll out of bed in the mornings without popping my knee out of whack! Turning 40 this year so it's all downhill now...
You're right, I NEVER would have imagined making it to #10 back then. I work at it every day. It's been a tough go of it lately financially but we both seem to be on the same wavelength these days and that certainly makes things easier.
I lurk around here every so often so it is good to hear from you. I haven't seen or heard from Greg for several years. How's he doing??? I have always had you and yours in my thoughts...
... and I feel all I can do at this point is wait as I continue to be the "new" me until she makes up her mind. Then the question become how long am I willing to wait as she waits for the answer to come to her? 
